Wonderful Forgiveness

To my friends who like the fun and funny posts, this is not one of those. Please stay tuned. Itchy Tingle will eventually return to regular programming.

After a tough, congested night with a plugged up ear-hole, I wondered if I'd be able to do anything today. But I got up, turned on some classical music, and dug into the books I brought with me to my undisclosed retreat location. (OK, some people know where I am, but shhhh...)

I grabbed a couple of books with prayers and thoughts and affirmations and what kept coming up was the theme of forgiveness. So I went with that today. After reading a few things, I decided to start my day with my own affirmation. I pulled out my completely empty, shiny Wonder Woman journal and wrote. Here it is (and keep in mind, I'm not trying to be "full of myself" but I'm trying to be more gentle in my self-talk).

I am wonderful
full of wonder
and others wonder
and are inspired by me
I am beautiful
and I weep at the word
I am open
I am hopeful
I am the deep snow
with its glittery smoothness
tainted by footprints
I am here
fully here
I love without regret
I give without expectation
I am expansive blue
and blinding white
and soft green
I am moving
and doing
I laugh with you
I cry alone
I am a song
with lyrics ever-changing
I see you
because I know me
And today
I forgive.

I went on to write a few pages about forgiveness. About how we don't seek forgiveness because we think we deserve it. About the person I have the hardest time forgiving - myself.

Maybe that is what has blocked me from forgiving - that I do not feel it is deserved. Maybe that is why I don't feel I can forgive myself - because I don't believe I deserve it. So I deal with the guilt and hurt and put myself in a prison of not deserving anything good.

The guilt and hurt I feel are not for things I had choices in, because I make my choices out of love. So why do I feel I can't forgive myself for things I had no control over? I guess because I think I should have. That phenomenon of "should." I should have been there. I should have known. I should have tried harder. And if I had done what I "should" have, would the outcome have been any different?

So, why forgive? Why forgive someone who isn't sorry? Why forgive myself? Because not being able to forgive blocks my own healing. Maybe forgiveness is choosing to continue to love someone (including yourself) even though you've been hurt.

And what if you can't forgive God/the universe? What if, at the time you needed God's embrace, you only felt abandoned? I don't have an answer for that. I've never been a person of blind faith.

Maybe by forgiving myself, I am letting go of the pain the universe inflicted. Somehow I'm able to forgive others before they ask, and sometimes when they never do. Forgiving has helped me heal from the hurt of others. But what about the ways I've hurt myself?

Today, I want to begin the first steps toward forgiving - letting go of the pain and putting love into the space left behind by the hurt leaving me.

I forgive you
I forgive me
we are forgiven.

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I took the photo above at Caesar Creek State Park where I spent several cold hours today.
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Sabbatical Soundtrack

This song has been going through my head a lot this week, and I think the lyrics are pretty appropriate for my retreat time right now...

ANGELS ON THE MOON by Thriving Ivory

And on the Third Day....

Today's big thing: our first IVF appointment!

The day began with another billion inches of snow that fell overnight and continued to fall. We thought we'd be late to the appointment at the fertility center, but we were only a few minutes late, and pretty much everyone else was running late, too.
First, we met with my doctor. Since we have done several rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination), a lot of the things about IVF (in-vitro fertilization) are the same - like the shots and monitoring the cycles with ultrasounds and blood tests. For IUI, they stimulate the growth of my eggs and inseminate with sperm directly in the uterus. For IVF, they remove the eggs, fertilize them, and then watch them grow for a couple of days before placing the best ones back into the uterus.

Today's appointment was a long one - almost 3 hours - so they could go over everything with us and do tests. In the consult part, Dr. G. went over my chart, how my eggs developed during the IUI, Sean's sperm count, how I responded to the shots, etc. He went over the risks, of course, including ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, and the risks that come with the egg retrieval. Even though the chances of these things are slight, they have to tell you.

Dr. G. wanted me to get a pap test and mammogram in the next month or so, and wanted to make sure my A1C number was under 6. Since I've had insulin resistance issues in the past (daignosed PCOS), and recent trouble with my blood sugar, this is important to get in line before I get pregnant. When my A1C was taken in October, it was 8, which is high. Since then, I've been much more careful about my sugar and carb intake, and I've started on a new medication to help keep it all in control. I'm hopeful that the A1C number will come back low.

I asked about the incompetent cervix, and Dr. G. said that my OB/GYN Dr. K. would for sure do the cerclage early on once I was pregnant. Dr. G. did not feel that the incompetent cervix would affect my chances with the IVF. He did feel, however, that, even though they usually implant 3 embryos in women over 35, they would only implant 2 or maybe even 1. I would be high-risk carrying just one baby, and two would be very risky. Three would likely be impossible and Dr. G. said if I were to become pregnant with triplets, that I might need to make a difficult decision early on. I think Dr. G. and I agreed that we would be more comfortable with implanting 2 embryos. Of course, this is also something we will decide once we see how they grow.

We also had to sign a bunch of releases, stating that we understand the risks involved in the procedures. These were very similar to what we signed for IUI. We also had to sign forms indicating what we would want done with the embryos if something should happen to us or we got divorced. We had to spell out what we would want done with the frozen embryos if I was to die, if Sean was to die, if both of us died, and if we got divorced. Any extra embryos that look good will be frozen in case we need them later.

Since I've already done many of the fertility tests like ultrasounds, hysterosalpingogram (HSG), ultrasounds, endometrial biopsy, etc., we are kind of ahead of the game on some things. So, next I got to "undress from the waist down" (Sean laughs at me because I always ask if I can keep my socks on because my feet get cold!) get into the stirrups, get the dreaded speculum, and Dr. G. did some swabs of my area to test for STDs and did a mock transfer where a thin catheter is inserted into the uterus to measure its depth and to determine how to insert the catheter with the greatest ease during the real embryo transfer. This was not any more uncomfortable than the inseminations I'd already been through.

I got dressed, and we went back to the waiting room until we were called by the fertility nurse. She sat down with us to tell us the expected protocol that we would follow and when we wanted to start after all the test results came in. She set the orders for the blood tests we would need and how we would have to pay for them. We went back to the waiting room until called in for the blood draw.

We decided to test for Cystic Fibrosis, so they test one of us for that. If one of us comes back positive, they will test the other person. I offered to be the testee for that, so they drew about 5 vials of blood from me, 2 vials from Sean I think. What they will test for from both of us: HIV, Hepatitis B and C, and syphilis. From me, they will also do blood typing and the A1C test for my blood sugar. From the swab they took from my vagina and from Sean's urine sample, they will test for chlamydia and gonnorhea. So, our bases should be pretty much covered!

Back to the waiting room, then we were called back to the fertility nurse, who went over which shots we would get and when. More on that later.

Back to the waiting room again, then Sean was called to give his semen sample. He goes into a private room (it cracks me up that they tell you that the door locks and everything! I would hope so!), they give him a beaker (and they always say that you are NOT expected to fill it!), some surgical-grade lube (so as not to contaminate the sample), and there are some Playboy magazines in a drawer.

While I was waiting, the nurse came out and said she forgot to have them do the Rubella test for me, so I would need to come back some time, and I said I wanted to do it today. They test for Rubella immunity to prevent birth defects in case I become pregnant and was exposed to Rubella. The nurse was very apologetic and felt bad that I'd have to give more blood, but it wasn't THAT much. I was a blood donor, this doesn't even come close to that. So, I went back to get the blood drawn and when I came back out, Sean was back from doing his sample and we were free to go.

As for my protocol, I am to call when I get my period, and then on day 21 of the next cycle, I will start on Lupron, which I take with injections daily. When I get my next period after that, I will continue on the Lupron and will add the Follistim (to help more eggs grow) that I did with the IUI. At that time, they will start monitoring the cycle with blood work (to monitor hormone levels) and ultrasounds (to check follicle growth on ovaries) every 2 days or so. When they get a few mature eggs, I will do the trigger shot exactly 36 hours prior to coming in for the egg retrieval.

For the egg retrieval, I will be sedated (very similar to when I had a colonoscopy). They use an ultrasound to guide a needle through the vagina to reach the ovaries and draw the fluid from the follicles into the needle (and with the fluid, the eggs). They like to retrieve at least 10 mature eggs. My first IUI I had about 10 mature eggs, but the second was a lower number, so we'll see.

Next, they will take Sean's semen (usually given that morning) and, similar to IUI, remove the seminal fluid and any inactive sperm. They put the sperm and egg together (about 50,000 sperm for each egg) and let them get to know each other for about 18 hours. Hopefully at this point, one sperm will be a good match for the egg and they will join in fertilized bliss. Then, the fertilized eggs will be moved and left to grow for 48 hours or so until the egg is in the 6-8 cell stage.

The quality of the embryos is determined and then the "good" embryos are transferred within 3-5 days after fertilization. The transfer is much like the IUI insemination, where a thin, plastic catheter is inserted through the vagina and past the cervix. Several embryos may be implanted to improve the chances, but for me it will likely not be more than two embryos. After the transfer, they want me to take it easy, laying down for an hour or so before going home, and then taking it easy for a few days. He said, "No strenuous exercise" to which I said, "that shouldn't be a problem!!!" hahaha

For now, I wait to get my period, get a pap test and mammogram, and wait for the test results (which I expect should be fine, just a bit worried about the A1C).

So, another big day in my world! Keep sending those happy thoughts. Today I thought, "Wow! I just might have a baby THIS YEAR!"

KEEP HOPING!!!!

(Note: image above is entitled "Fertility" by Keith Haring)
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Second Day of the Rest of My Life

Some inspiration for the journey...

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." ~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

"Fall seven times, stand up eight." ~Japanese Proverb

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~Harriet Beecher Stowe

"I have woven a parachute out of everything broken." ~William Stafford

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.” ~William Allen White

“All day I think about it, then at night I say it. Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing? I have no idea. My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there.” ~Jalal ad-Din Rumi

"I existed from all eternity and, behold, I am here; and I shall exist till the end of time, for my being has no end." ~Kahlil Gibran

"When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." ~Barbara Bloom

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." ~Anais Nin

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~Lao Tzu

"Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself, 'Here is an opportunity for me to celebrate like never before, my own power, my own ability to get myself to do whatever is necessary'." ~Martin Luther King Jr.

"If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." ~Vincent Van Gogh

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Lately, I've been in need of a "break." Some time off from my life, from everything. Toward the end of last year, I had a hard time emotionally and came close to the breaking point. I told my therapist that I considered checking myself into an in-patient facility, and she told me that unless I had a knife in my hand, they wouldn't take me. Um, thanks? Maybe not an institutional secret that you should share...

Anyway, today is the first day of my "break" of 3 weeks. I had hoped to take a study leave, which I am entitled to next year, but it was not to be. When this was denied, I was devastated. But my super-cool boss helped me find a way to still take some time. So now, I'm officially on vacation! But I'm determined to make this time have a purpose and to hopefully come back to my life with renewed enthusiasm.

My super-cool boss gave me a card and a gift and told me not to open it until this morning. The card said:

On this day you begin an adventure of fun, discovery and journey. I wish you

• the green of early spring
• the humor of nature's wonders
• the explosion of white into rainbows of delight
• and a peace that goes far into the days and nights!

Have a delightful experience of BEing!

The gift was a hanging crystal prism. She's so creative, and what a great way to start my time away.

I let the weekend be a regular weekend, which was fun - enjoyed the nephews' Little Gym performance, and had a great dinner out with friends. I wanted today to have some kind of meaning, even if it was just a small sense of accomplishment. Sean finished painting the kitchen and we started putting the kitchen back together. We shortened the weird counter that juts out (if you've been to my house, you know what I'm talking about) and it looks great. Sean's done a great job on the kitchen and it's so much brighter and cleaner now. That, combined with the dent I'm making in the laundry has given me a sense of accomplishment.

But the big thing I did today? I emailed the mother of my older brother. The brother I never knew I had until a few years ago. The brother who my dad has still never told me about, even though he knows that I know. I asked her if he would be open to being in contact with me. She said she'd let him know and we'll see.

For me, this is big. This is a long time coming. I've had a gamut of emotions. Mostly, hurt that I went through years and years without knowing that someone who should have been a part of my life wasn't. I felt a bit like I'd been lied to all my life. And I am not sure I can forgive my dad - not just for not telling me, but for giving up his son at a young age and never seeing him again. I wouldn't blame this new brother if he hated my dad, and if he hated my younger brother and I for getting to grow up with his father.

So, I guess I'm just putting it out there that I'm open to communicating with this brother who I wonder about, who I feel I missed out on getting to know.

As they say, no one ever regrets the things they did, just the things they didn't do.

And I know it's a cliche, but I'm tired of waiting and wanting. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I choose to make it count.

You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere!

Like most kids in the 70s, I grew up playing with the standard toys of the era: Legos, Star Wars figures, Smurfs, Dukes of Hazard cars, Tinker Toys, and of course, Barbie.

When I would get a new Barbie, the first thing I would do is make it naked. It's never too soon to see what's going on under there. Of course, there wasn't much that was "anatomically correct" about these dolls.

Since my best friend and her sister played with my brother and I, my brother had a Ken doll so he could fit in with all of us girls. Poor Ken - he had to go on dates with a lot of high maintenance girls. Poor Ken - his head popped off all the time. Whenever the Barbies wanted to play soccer, we'd pop off Ken's head and we had a ball.

Sometimes we'd include my best friend's brother's full-size GI Joe in the dating game. Joe had apparently spent too much time in the bathtub, ahem "hot tub," with the Barbies, because the pull string in his back that made him talk only made him garble. especially since Joe had a Jeep and that was a bit more intimate than the other vehicle at Barbie's disposal - the Barbie RV.

I had all sorts of dolls when I was growing up. I was one of those lucky girls who got a Brooke Shields doll on my 10th birthday. Once I liberated her from the box and got her naked, I was never able to get her tight Vidal Sassoon jeans back on her rubbery legs. And that fuzzy pink sweater? That was lost almost instantly. Her hair was out of control! You couldn't do anything with that hair, and she spent most of her doll-life with a big, sloppy-looking pony tail.

I also had a Princess Leia doll. Not an action figure, a DOLL. I still have her, but of course she was well loved and so not in great condition. The thing I loved about her was that her body proportions were actually kind of normal - her boobs weren't too big, her waist wasn't too thin, and her feet were actually in proportion to her body and were FLAT, as opposed to the perpetually pointy-toes of Barbie. But all of this meant that none of Barbie's clothes would fit on Princess Leia, and therefore she spent a lot of time in her white Star Wars gown or in Ken's more girly-looking clothes, since she was more Ken-sized. I remember a vest playing a large part in her wardrobe. And Leia's head was big, too - even Barbie's stretchy knit winter hat wouldn't stretch over her gargantuan melon.

Another feature of her wardrobe were brown plastic rings that made her hair into those two buns on the side of her head. Early on in Leia's life with me, I managed to lose one of those bun-makers. So, being the creative child I was, the other bun-maker became the Barbie toilet for the dolls. After all, their bed was a tissue box, so imagination was important in these days.

In these days, we didn't have those sweet light sabers kids have now - we used wrapping paper tubes. One time, my brother and I mounted the wrapping paper tubes to our flashlights, you know, so they would really light up. We were young and didn't think it through. After we had somehow taped the flashlight to the tube (with masking tape, because no way was mom going to let us use the expensive clear cellophane tape!), we realized that the light was not going to shine THROUGH the cardboard, and only a small amount of light made it out of the end of the tube. An important lesson learned. Eventually, we graduated to using a retractable metal tape measure, which, in addition to being able to retract just like a real light saber, would nicely slice into the flesh of your opponent.

Back to Barbie toilets, I guess my potty fascination began early. When I was about 7 years old, they came out with this pink Barbie toilet. The exciting thing about this toilet was that it actually flushed! You put water into the bowl, and when you lifted the lid, water was pulled into the tank. When you put the lid down, the water was pushed back into the bowl. This kind of technology amazed me at a time when the only video games I knew were Pong, Simon, and Fabulous Fred. I think the toilet also came with a little pink towel and a non-functioning sink.

One of the first Barbie's I had was a Sun Lovin' Malibu Barbie. She had REAL tan lines, which I soon learned meant that her tan was painted on. She also came in a bikini and cool mirrored sunglasses - two items of fashion I myself never owned.

My brother's Ken doll was a Malibu Ken. Ken didn't have tan lines (one of a few things he didn't have...), but he did come with a nice green swimsuit that he pretty much lived in since he didn't have any other clothes for a while. You can probably tell by the picture how easily his aforementioned head could pop off.

When I was a kid, one of the real treats about going to downtown Cleveland was the toy department in Higbee's. I think it was on the 7th floor, and they had toys that we never saw anywhere else. One of my favorite parts was the Barbie section. They had Barbies representing all different areas of the world, and I just loved that. I always picked out the ones I wanted, always from exotic places like India or Japan. I never actually owned one of these Barbies of the World, but I now see that my interest in global affairs began at an early age.

Later in life, when I was considered an "adult" my doll fascination continued. I now own the "X-Files Barbie and Ken" as well as the "Wonder Woman Barbie." Thanks to my childhood best friend, I also secured all of the Queen Amidala dolls from Star Wars. Suffice it to say that none of these have emerged from their boxes.

One of my prized dolls is a Pirates of the Caribbean pirate doll from Disney. Since my favorite rides at Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom have always been Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion, one Christmas, I received a Barbie-sized pirate doll inspired by the ride. This was years before the movies, so this is not a "Johnny Depp" pirate. I thought it was hilarious because the pirate really looked nasty! Of course, when I received him (and yes, this was a gift I received in adult-hood) I immediately made him naked. Much to my chagrin, he was no more anatomically correct than good old Ken. I have scoured the internet for more information about this pirate, but was unable to find anything other than the movie merchandise, so I may need to dig my own pirate doll out of the attic to share him.

The inspiration for this blog entry came from the following two articles, disturbing as they may be:
Barbie Creator's Racy Sex Secrets Revealed
Bild Lilli Doll - the Inspiration for Barbie

Also, many of the links in this post will take you to funny stuff related to that item. Just another service I provide to my faithful readers.


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Just one more thing to give me nightmares

Lebanon farmer grows super-sized spud
(Dec. 6, 2008, Middle East Times)

TYRE, Lebanon

A farmer from Lebanon couldn't believe his eyes when he discovered he had grown a prize-winning potato on his land, saying he was hoping to enter the Guinness World Records.

"This giant weighs 11.3 kilos (24.9 pounds)," Khalil Semhat said at his farm in the Tyre area, 85 kilometres (50 miles) south of Beirut.

"I've been working the land since I was a boy, and it's the first time I've seen anything like it."

Semhat, 56, said he had not done anything special to cultivate such a super-sized spud. "I didn't use any chemicals at all," he insisted, adding that he had to ask a friend to help him haul the huge tuber out of the ground.

Now he hopes the find will get a mention in the famous Guinness Book of Records, and said he will send in the details for possible inclusion next year.

He said he was "very proud" to have grown the enormous specimen on his farm, which took a pounding in 2006 during the war between Israel and Lebanon's Shiite Hezbollah movement.

Look out Snuggie! Here comes Cabin Cuddler!

And you thought Snuggie was bad! I couldn't believe it when I received an email for the "Cabin Cuddler."

I travel a lot. I'm on an airplane an average of once a month. And I'll be honest, when I've grabbed one of those airplane pillows, I've thought to myself, "I wonder whose head was on this before I got here. Are these things ever washed? Sprayed down with disinfectant?" The same goes for the blankets, although I'm more cautious about where I put my head since my body is usually protected by a clothes, hence no skin-to-blanket contact.

I do own one of those goofy U-shaped neck pillows, and yes, I do use it. It really helps, but I only bring it with me during longer flights - or long car rides.

The Cabin Cuddler looks even more like a restrictive device than the Snuggie. And I can't figure out, is it one piece? 2? 3? Frankly, I'm not even sure how you get into this thing, and in the event of an emergency, how you get OUT! The website is completely devoid of any information about this product except that it's supposed to keep you warm on an airplane and how to order it.

And an inflatable pillow comes free? Who would REALLY be inflating a pillow on an airplane? You'd look like a complete dork! Although it would really come in handy in the event of a water landing. No thanks, I'll take the booklight that comes with the Snuggie! My seat cushion doubles as a flotation device, I hear.

As for keeping your feet warm with the "patented foot pocket" - I generally do not remove my shoes on airplanes.

Furthermore, I am rarely cold on airplanes. I get SO irritated by all those shivering morons on airplanes. I have one thing to say to people who get cold a lot - BRING A SWEATER WITH YOU EVERYWHERE! If you get cold in meetings, appointments, airplanes, movie theaters, restaurants - BE PREPARED! I am hardly ever cold, most of the time I'm burning up. Nevertheless, I still keep both a wrap and a sweater in my office at all times and bring one with me when I travel.

When people complain about the temperature, they expect someone to adjust the thermostat. I HATE THAT! Listen, if you are cold, you can put more layers on - I can't take any layers OFF! Well, I could, but I doubt others on the airplane or in the meeting would appreciate it!

This is not to say I'm hating on people who complain about this cold weather. It is unnaturally cold outside right now, and I hate it, too. -8 degrees? -25 with the windchill? That is just too cold to even comprehend. But if we have to go out in it, we are prepared, right? I'm wearing two pairs of socks today and two shirts. I even wore earmuffs AND a hat AND the hood of my coat.

So, whatever it takes to keep you warm - Snuggie, Cabin Cuddler, Slanket, whatever - just be prepared people. Be prepared!

All bundled up and sno-where to go

Yesterday and today, my husband and I went to the park to take photos of the snow scenes after many inches of snow were dumped on us. I estimated that we got about a billion inches of snow... well, maybe 2 inches less than a billion.

Nonetheless, the snow was fluffly and sticky, which made it very pretty. And it's close enough to Christmas/New Year that I still find it kind of pretty. And also, I didn't have to shovel it.

We have a new camera and we have both been experimenting to learn how to use it, so the serene snowfall is perfect for experimenting.

As we were driving through the park looking at the natural beauty, there was one car that was pulled over. My husband goes, "I think there's an animal over there..." and sure enough, there was a little ball of fur and a kid and a man from the car were walking over to it. We drove on, turned around, and stopped near the animal. It was a raccoon. I hopped out and walked somewhat close to it to take photos. It was eating something, but didn't try to run away, so I think it might have been sick. When I was reviewing the photos, I think he was eating pretzel sticks. It made me sad that he might have been sick. Here's the picture of the raccoon...

We drove a little further, hoping to stop by the creek and take some pictures. A lady in front of us was driving very slow - it was kind of slippery - and then she put on her hazard lights and started slowing down. And then she pulled to the side of the road... and slid. Because only the actual road had been plowed and not the shoulder (or as we call it, the "elbow"), she slid in the heavy snow piled at the side of the road.

My husband, who was driving, passed her, which was when I realized she appeared to be stuck. I said, "Oh no, I think she's stuck!" and he kept driving. He said, "Do you want me to stop?" And at this point, she started getting out of the car and I knew she was really stuck. I think my husband would have kept driving, but I said, "I think we should help." After a brief hesitation, he stopped and started backing up down the road.

I got out and said, "Do you need help?" and she said, "I think I'm stuck, I was trying to find a place to turn around..." Then she yelled to someone in the car, "You are going to need to drive the car so I can push!!" Then she started banging on the window and said, "Get the F--- out and help me!!!" And then this kid who was MAYBE 10 years old, gets out of the car and I decided in my head that we were not going anywhere until they were unstuck.

I told her that my husband and I could push, she could get in and drive. She was really hyper, and we realized later that she was probably on something. She kept saying, "This stupid little car..." and, "My husband is 71 years old and he can't come out because I have the car!" and, "We should have never come out in this..."

She said they had gone to the sledding hill (the same one we always went to growing up) and when she saw a kid injured, she decided she and her kids were leaving, but she apparently got a little lost on the park roads and couldn't find a place to turn around. A younger daughter was also in the car.

We started pushing, while she put the car in reverse. Then we pushed the back while she put the car in drive. Back and forth we went, just inching the car forward and back and barely able to get traction in the deep snow. Just when we thought we got her moving, the car would slide to the right and further into a ditch. When she was spinning her wheels on grass and mud, we decided there was nothing more we could do - the more we tried, the further into the ditch she slid. We even tried digging out the tires with our hands, but it didn't help.

She was cursing out the car, and I asked if there was someone she could call. She said none of her friends or family live nearby, and her 71-year-old husband was at home, but she had the car. I started thinking we should call a tow truck or maybe we could give them a ride home or something, when a park snow plow came by. I started waving my arms so he would stop and I think it was pretty obvious what happened because when he stopped he said, "I'll call a park ranger to come help."

As we started waiting, a passing car slowed and stopped to see if we needed help. The car was full of teenagers and one older lady (well, she was probably just a little older than me) who was probably one of their moms. I said, "I think she's pretty stuck..." but the kids were like, "We have to try!"

About 5 teenagers got out of this car, along with the mom-person. The mom-person got in the driver's seat, which was probably good because the lady who was originally driving the car obviously didn't know how to get her car out of a stuck place (as in, speed up when you get traction, rock the car back and forther, etc.). We all started pushing and these great kids were really getting the car moving, but still it was sliding to the right.

I sent my husband to move our car, because I just envisioned her car shooting forward and into our car and wanted to give her room to get back on the road. One of the kids told another kid to help him push by the front right wheel, the one that kept sliding into the ditch. Within seconds, we all had the car back on the road!

As the car moved forward, one girl went flat into the snow, which was pretty funny - she was covered! But she was OK and just laughed (the kids were on their way to go sledding anyway). We wooped it up, and the lady thanked us all, hugging us and everything.

The kids piled back into the car and I jogged back to our car. I could see my husband pulling out the camera quickly to try and capture some of the experience on film.

I was frozen and soaking wet, but we drove to the next turn-around and parking spot and got out to still try and take some snow pictures, even though it was getting darker. The lady was there, probably trying to compose herself, and the kids were sledding on a smaller hill.

The snow plow driver came back through and we told him that we got her out, so he radioed the ranger so he wouldn't be looking for the stuck car.

We walked in the snow and took some neat pictures for another 1/2 hour or so. But I was so cold and wet, soon I couldn't feel my fingers and couldn't even take pictures anymore, so we called it a day.

I never expected so much excitement today, but I should have known the day that would get interesting when weekly hair removal ended in triage, and the 95th birthday party we attended was abuzz with the drama of some missing sherbet meant for the punch!

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the weekend. These 2 are from yesterday:

These 2 are from today:

One Wintry Day On Facebook

With permission from those involved, I share this funny conversation that occurred last night on Facebook as we were all snowed in and on our computers. I've changed the names to just initials - I am "ME" or "M." Enjoy!

9:05pm January 9
S. is amused to find out that her husband and brother would both consider owning (and wearing) and Snuggie.

9:23pm January 9
C: That is HILARIOUS!!!! What color??????

9:24pm January 9
Sh: N. just sent me a bumper sticker earlier that says, "You can make your own Snuggie by wearing your bathrobe backwords." LOL... tell them they don't need to spend the money. :)

9:32pm January 9
S: that's how we got on the topic. they were both like, well, actually ... LOL!!!

9:32pm January 9
K: Wait A Minute, is the Snuggie that thing that is advertised on TV for staying warm without any part of your body being out? LOL. I guess if you get cold enough, anyone would where one, even the most manly of men. lol

9:33pm January 9
S: yeah, it's the blanket with arms ... too funny!

9:40pm January 9
ME: Husband and I were JUST talking about that because I've been wanting one for so long and tonight I broke out the space heater for warmth!

9:41pm January 9
ME: As I explained to husband, a robe is not the same, it's not long enough to wrap around your tootsies!

9:44pm January 9
S: point taken, but what's wrong with, um, I don't know ... a blanket? =)

9:45pm January 9
C: A blanket is not "manly". lol

9:46pm January 9
ME: See, I've thought this through - I have a blanket, but it goes over my legs and when I'm on the computer, my arms and hands get cold, so I end up with a blanket on my legs and a sweater or jacket on my arms and I just feel like I have too many warming accessories - I need the Snuggie so I don't feel like I'm suiting up for a space walk everytime I sit down on the computer.

9:51pm January 9
S: ROFL!! So a blanket with arms (ie: fuzzy straight jacket) is not constricting?

9:52pm January 9
S: And the mere fact that the boys get more outspoken about the topic has me near tears!

9:54pm January 9
ME: Thanks for the bumper sticker, LOVE it! I don't think it's as constricting because right now I feel like I can't even get up to answer the phone without taking off 6 or 7 pieces of clothing...

9:59pm January 9
S: OK, but what about the tripping hazard? I don't see you running to get the phone with that thing on ... I forsee an instant wrestling match, you versus the Snuggie to answer the phone before it rolls over to voice mail. "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. I'm trapped inside my Snuggie. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can free my arms!" LOL!!!

10:00pm January 9
ME: LOL, good point! You're so funny! Well, at least if you order it, you get one free, AND the booklights! So 2 people in your house will be happy. Love the new flair by the way! hahaha

10:02pm January 9
ME: PS: Maybe if I get a Snuggie AND one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" medical alert buttons, I could cover all of the bases!

10:04pm January 9
S: that's TOTALLY what I was thinking!! Hillarious!! Forget the book lights! Throw in the medical alert buttons and you've got a deal!

10:05pm January 9
K: The strange part about this entire discussion is that it has gone on this long....the analysis that has gone into it, one would think that we were discussion politics or something.....boy oh boy, this is what happens when you are trapped in the house on a cold night in Cleveland. A Friday night at that! It's really sad! this is hilarious. lol. But, what I will add to this discourse is that if you decide to put the Snuggie on, do what I do because I am lazy, make sure the phone, laptop, tv remote, food, drink, etc is all either on the couch with you or on the table right next to you, within reach, that way you don't have to get up...and there will be no Snuggie accidents! lol

10:08pm January 9
L: I want a Snuggie too! I missed the whole conversation...lol! But I want one too!

10:08pm January 9
S: very true K. ... this is what happens when your trapped inside!! LOL!

10:17pm January 9
ME: I've been having so much anxiety about the Gaza situation, it's nice to focus on something like this and have fun with it, and yes, I have put a lot of thought into it, which is pathetic, but I've just been so COLD this year! Good advice K! I do the same thing, I have a whole setup with the remote and beverages and laptop... but sometimes I forget the phone... Maybe I need to have a checklist before I settle in...

10:23pm January 9
P: S, ask your husband if he remembers the group the Black Monks, that's what the snuggie reminds him of... he says that could be your husband’s new theme song.

10:28pm January 9
K: This is HILARIOUS! Every time you think the convo is about to end, someone throws a curveball...and L, you have to see the commercial for the Snuggie....speaking of reminders, do you know what it reminds me of?...Those scary people who drank the purple juice, I forget their names, but I believe before the drank it they were all wearing something resembling a Snuggie...M, you sure you want to get one of those? lol

10:32pm January 9
ME: Oh yeah, the Heaven's Gate cult! Those were the dudes with the Nikes and the purple robes! What a memory, K! OK, maybe I'm best to stick with my blanket and space heater... you guys have beaten down my resistance! Maybe I should send you my 20 bucks...

10:37pm January 9
K: Thanks you guys, I have truly laughed tonight! But I don't want you to be discouraged from being as warm as you can. I actually have a similar purple robe that is a pull over, but it's a little more attractive than the Snuggie, but if the Snuggie get's the job done, Do what you gotta do, I'm just saying, the next time you see that commercial, think about the purple juice...It just looks "un-sexy", and they are trying so hard to make it look cool! lol, but I guess that's why you are wearing it inside the house and not outside because if I see anyone out on the streets in one of those...look out! lol

10:51pm January 9
N: The Snuggie can be as sexy as you make it...A little hide and go get it under the snuggie----HELLO!!!...M, I say you get one, I almost ordered it my darn self! ;-)

10:54pm January 9
K: WOW! I didn't think about that, but yeah, whatever works! Get it M!

11:05pm January 9
ME: Oh yeah, I like that idea! I'll be in nuthin' but my Snuggie and some high-healed black boots!! Maybe some earrings, we'll see...

11:05pm January 9
ME: Oh, and my "Me So Horny" mug would just be the frosting on my "M Snuggie" cake!

11:06pm January 9
N: ROFLMAO, YOU go girl!!!!!!

11:07pm January 9
ME: I can't wait to post THAT profile picture! LMAO!!!

11:15pm January 9
K: Yes, you must, you can get in different Snuggie poses, show your Next Top Model skills and then you should send them to the Snuggie people. lol, let them know we had an ENTIRE convo about it on a cold Friday night

9:41am January 10
S: WOW! I believe this is the longest thred I've seen on status! You guys are awesome!! And BTW, non of the comments have swayed my husband or brother ... they still want the Snuggies (and free booklights) ... so go for it M! You and your husband can have a Snuggie-fest (two words: Naked Gun). LOL!!

4:04pm January 10
ME: It's the longest thread I've ever seen, too! Mind if I put it on my blog? I think it's hilarious! I'll remove the names to protect the innocent or those in the witness protection plan...

4:50pm January 10
S: post away!

5:19pm January 10
K: That's what I'm talking about, you can call it "One Wintry Day On Facebook", lol

And a blog entry it became. The end… or is it??

Just a few more comments from me:

Yes, the people in the commercial totally look like cultists, especially this guy:

If you think the Snuggie is weird, check out this Laptop Body Sweater Wool Privacy Curtain. I want to believe that this is a joke, but I'm not entirely sure...

I am now thinking I will hold out on getting a Snuggie until they make them with a hood so it can double as an Obi-Wan Kenobi or friar costume. And keep my head warm.

Here's how cute I would look in a Snuggie - see, I could still do all my regular activities!

Finally, a link to the official Snuggie website and commercial, if you have not seen it:
http://www.snuggiesite.com

My new hair, again

I realized that I haven't shared my new hairstyle with the loyal blog readers. I got my hair cut right before Christmas, and then got a flat iron to straighten my hair for Christmas. So, when I'm not too lazy to do the straightening thing, it looks pretty cool!

Best of 2008!

Once again, I offer my personal list of the best and worst of 2008 (according to me, of course!

Click here to read 2007's list if it interests you

BEST AND WORST OF 2008

Favorite way to get a laugh: Flight of the Conchords (on DVD or CD)

Best album that I enjoyed from start to finish: Coldplay: Viva La Vida

Best movie I saw on DVD and best soundtrack: Once

Best place to eat that isn't new, but is new to me: Dewey's Pizza in Westlake

Favorite diversion that is killin' my Webkinz: Facebook!

Favorite new TV show: Fringe

Favorite TV show that isn't new, but is new to me: Ghost Hunters

Best old TV show that I never appreciated back in the day: Sanford and Son

Favorite old TV show I've been watching whenever I can: Twilight Zone

Favorite place to spend my money: http://www.woot.com/

Favorite gadget that I sleep with: iPod touch

Favorite gadget that I drive with: Garmin Nuvi 260W GPS

Favorite gadget that I have a lot to learn about: Nikon D80 Digital SLR Camera

Best trend: Making new friends and finding old friends who are new again! Thanks Facebook!

Best cure for depression: my nephews

Biggest cause of my depression: infertility

Something I was good at this year: making eggs (the ovary kind)

Something I wasn't good at this year: getting pregnant, controlling my sugar

Most exciting part of the election: voting for a winning presidential candidate for the first time in my life!

Most disappointing part of the election: the passage of Proposition 8 (and ones like it in other states)

Least favorite trend: teenage celebrity pregnancies

I end my list with HOPE for 2009 and a short video from Flight of the Conchords!

The Art of Receiving

I was amazed to see these words on the cover of my recent issue of Ode Magazine: "The Art of Receiving - How to open your heart to the gifts of life." I thought, "Could it be? Someone else is exploring the fine art of gracious acceptance?"

During this season of giving and receiving, I encourage you to read my post from June of this year, called The Grace of Gratitude, and the Ode article, called The Art of Receiving.

The Ode article really helped me to understand the dynamics of giving and receiving a little better. It also mentions Sobonfu Somé, someone I have admired since I first read her book years ago. She is a teacher from the Dagara tribe of Burkina Faso in West Africa who left her tribe to bring the teachings of her people to the West.

Some highlights of the article:

• Receiving is harder than giving, but can lead to even greater personal and spiritual growth
• Giving and receiving are fundamental aspects of experience, connecting all life in an interdependent whole. Just as many of us long to experience moments of pure altruism, when we offer our hearts with no strings attached, we also long to receive deeply and freely, fully experiencing what it means to be given to—touched, ­nourished and even transformed by life.
• There is a difference between receiving and taking
• Receiving isn’t easy. If it were, more of us would do it with grace and gratitude.
• The ability to receive is, in fact, essential to physical health, psychological ­balance and spiritual engagement.
• We are taught that giving is better than receiving, so to receive would be embracing the "lesser" part
• Scientists monitored the brain activity of volunteers while they played computer games in which they could win cash rewards and donate the proceeds to charity. Both receiving money and giving it away increased levels of dopamine, a hormone related to ­feeling good. But giving away money caused more activity, and released oxytocin, ­another “feel good” hormone associated with emotional closeness. The study suggests that giving is hardwired into our brains, making us feel good about doing good.
• In a “you scratch my back; I’ll scratch yours” society, saying yes to a gift or a gesture more often than not means saying yes to unspoken obligations, not the least of which is to respond in kind.
• There is a “spiritual” significance to the connection between giver and receiver. “One has no right to refuse a gift,” wrote anthropolgist Marcel Mauss. “To act in this way is to show that one is afraid of having to reciprocate."
• There are several motives for gift-giving - such as the receiver expressing positive feelings, the giver maintaining power and prestige, and the giver promoting self-interest.
• Many of us instinctively resist receiving because we sense the power dynamics involved, which reduce the receiver to the weaker position. Receiving empowers the giver - which is not necessarily a bad thing, and can boost the confidence of the giver in relationships of love and trust.
• Guilt is one way our conscience responds to situations in which we feel we don’t deserve the good things that come to us. In the U.S., we have a basic belief system that we work for what we are given. To receive, we might need to leave behind the safety net of a work-equals-reward mentality.
• Accepting may mean allowing for the possibility that we never had to deserve what we’ve “earned” in the first place. And if there’s no ­deserving, it means some things, at least, are simply free.
• “One of the biggest reasons we don’t receive well is that we think receiving is going to take something away from someone else,” says Sobonfu Somé. “So we feel guilty accepting what we are given.”
• When we receive deeply we’re receiving not just from an individual but from spirit itself. And when we receive from spirit, “we receive from an abundant source that can offer whatever we need.” Adds Somé, “There is always enough for everybody. Everything from spirit is free. There is no price in receiving. We don’t need to earn what we’re given. We just need to turn toward spirit with an attitude of service. So we can feel grateful, but there is no reason to feel guilty.”
• Without receiving we can’t feel close to others. Receiving is very much about intimacy. When we receive a gift, help or a compliment, we feel a connection to the giver and they feel connected to us.
• Receiving isn’t easy, because it means we’ve given up control, but the more you’re willing to make yourself vulnerable, which happens automatically when you’re receiving and giving up that degree of control, the closer you’re both going to feel.
• Like giving, there is power in receiving, in saying "yes"
• Receiving heals us individually, it is a medicine designed to heal and strengthen us. Being seen, loved and appreciated are just a few of the gifts that one can receive in relationships.
• Sometimes we have to change our limited thoughts on the experience of giving and receiving - instead of thinking, "She is trying to control me" try thinking, "She wants me to be happy."
• Life is a gift we receive each day, but the gift can be terrifying when we don’t get what we want or want what we get, when there is disappointment and even catastrophe. So we close down. And when we’re closed, it’s as though we are asleep to the gift of life.
• There is transformation that takes place when we receive what we’re given, and discover the possibilities hidden in the pain. The gift in grieving for our losses, for example, is deep gratitude.
• Health and creativity require equal measures of both giving and receiving - how can we really give to life if we haven’t received from life? Giving without receiving, doing without regenerating, is like burning the candle at both ends.

I hope during this holiday season, you were open to receiving the gifts you were given with gratitude and grace!