The Grace of Gratitude

I've always been a gift giver. It makes me happy, it's my way of showing I care. It literally hurts my feelings to have a gift rejected - like I'm being rejected myself. My gifts have no strings attached - I give without any expectation of anything in return.

I sometimes wonder where this, and my "people-pleasing" personality come from. Was I born like this? Or did events in my early years form me this way? And why is it so hard for some people to accept gifts with gratitude, rather than shove them away, saying, "I don't need that" or "You don't have to do that." Of course you don't need it, and of course I don't have to. Who in the United States of America subsists ONLY on what they NEED? I don't need TV, or a computer or 95% of the things I have, but in America, "need" and "want" aren't mutually exclusive. And who would give a gift if we "had to?"

Whenever I went on family vacations, I'd bring back souvenirs for all my friends. I guess it was my way of telling them I was thinking of them. I still do this, bringing back little surprises for the people I care about, because I missed them and wanted to share my trip with them.

I love to shop for people - even if it's not a birthday or Christmas or Festivus or some other holiday. Who doesn't love to get a gift "just because?" Isn't it great to know someone is thinking of you even if it's not a holiday? I'd much rather shop for others than for myself. I love surprising the people I love. I love spoiling people - I think we all deserve to feel like we are spoiled sometimes.

I think there are several kinds of people:

GIVERS: Like me, these folks are generous - of time, of themselves, of their resources. Givers do not expect anything in return and give because of the love for another person. Givers give because they care about their community and their world and want to do their part, no matter how small, to make a difference - in the life of one person or thousands. Givers volunteer, donate, and support causes they care about. They give gifts to the people they care about because they love them, because giving makes a giver happy.

TAKERS: I try not to associate with these folks - but they are usually self-centered people who constantly take - your time, your resources. If a Taker actually gives something, they expect to be compensated in return. Takers tell you their problems, but never listen to yours. Takers are "consumers" - using up and spitting out, whether that is a material possession, a human being, or their environment. Takers don't believe one person makes a difference and so their behavior doesn't matter.

RECEIVERS: I think most Receivers are also Givers. Receivers are the folks who graciously accept a gift, knowing and understanding that it has been offered with love. Receivers are grateful people in every sense - they are grateful for their lives, the good things they have, the people who love them. Receivers understand the grace of gratitude.

I believe there is a grace in gratitude that not everyone is capable of. We accept so many gifts of the universe every day - hey, the sun came up! The world didn't explode last night! woo-hoo! Why is it easy to accept those gifts, to take them for granted, but not as easy to accept a physical gift from someone? Or money? Or help?

Why are people too proud or embarassed to accept a gift? I don't know anyone who gives gifts to show off or humiliate someone else - we give because we can and we want to. Would it be easier to accept a gift if you understood that it's the way some people show their love?

I'm frustrated by people who come up with excuses for not accepting a gift, when in reality it's their pride. I'm extemely hurt by people who shun a gift I try to give. Why can't people just say THANK YOU and enjoy the gift and the moment? Why do some people have to turn it into something negative, making both the giver and the potential receiver feel hurt and dejected?

I find that gratitude brings me joy and contentment, and I find things to be grateful for every day. I stand in the shower and am grateful for clean, hot water. I'm grateful that I have this big house to live in, food to eat, a car to drive, a job... Depends on the day, sometimes there are specific things to be grateful for and sometimes it's the "broader" things. Even with the fertility issues, I'm grateful to have options, to have medicines and procedures we can try, to have compassionate medical care, to have a husband who is with me every step of the way.

Mostly, I'm grateful for the people in my life who make my life feel meaningful. I Receive them in my life with grace and gratitude - never shunning the gifts of love, of friendship, of family, of kindness, of patience, of understanding, of joy that they bring me, in addition to physical gifts. I wish everyone could accept ALL gifts with grace.

Every gift is an opportunity for us to be grateful.

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn

or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of

living every minute with love, grace and gratitude."

- Denis Waitley, author, speaker