All Orange

One of my favorite jokes (learned from my Mom):

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

It's an eye-roller, but always a hit with the kids! So, speaking of orange, it is currently my favorite color and I have many orange items that I wear. On my last out of town trip, I realized I was wearing an orange shirt and was carrying an orange purse. I decided that, from now on, when I go to the airport, I'm going to dress in the color of the "Terror Alert" level for the airlines.

CURRENT TERROR ALERT LEVEL:

(top color for air travel, bottom color for everyone else)
OR General Terror Alert Level:


Did you know the terror alert level for air travel is often different than it is for the rest of us? Currently, the terror alert for people in average life situations is yellow, or elevated. Those who are catapulting themselves into the air in a weapon of mass destruction (aka, an airplane) are experiencing the terror alert level set to orange, or high.

Below: Creative take on the terror alert level


Ever since Sept. 11, flying has been a nightmare, but this has become even more multiplied since the events in August, 2006, when a plot was discovered in the UK to blow up planes headed to the US with liquid explosives. Ever since then, people have no longer been able to carry liquids with them as carry-on items, including water, contact lens solution, shampoo, lotion, toothpaste, etc.

I have been prepared for this on my last few flights. My first one, instead of carrying my toiletries with me as a carry-on (my personal safeguard against lost luggage), I packed all of them. I forgot to think about my purse, and ended up throwing away 2 small containers of hand sanitizer. OK, no biggie. Later, I realized I still had toothpaste in there, and no one said anything.

On the return flight for that trip, a woman was flying alone with an infant child. After miraculously getting everything, including the stroller, through the x-ray machine without dropping the kid, she was told she had to dump out the 2 oz. of juice that were in her child's sippy cup before she could go through.

The next flight I took (to Washington DC), I was just amazed at how people seem to suddenly lose many IQ points as they enter the security area. Business people who looked like they flew all the time didn't take their laptops out of their bags. Even though there are signs everywhere, people didn't take off their shoes. It's almost like the radiation of the x-ray machine renders people temporarily brain-dead. On the return trip, they actually had a TSA agent at the gate. She had her rubber gloves and a table all set up and was doing "random" bag searches. But she was stopping nearly everyone. When her attention was distracted to someone who was walking up to the line with a question, I zoomed past her and got down the jetway. Whew! Later, a lady sitting near me said her concealer make-up had been confiscated. Concealer!!! Please!

On my recent trip to Indianapolis, I remembered to not pack any liquids in my carry-on. I even took my laptop out of my bag before I got to the conveyer belt so I was ready to go. This made everything smooth sailing. When I got to the gate, I was fishing around in my bag and realized I had a pair of 6" scissors in my bag, and no one said anything! Apparently, it's OK once again to stab people on airplanes, but you'd better not dare smuggle any water on that plane!

I learned after getting to Indy that you can now bring toiletries on board, as long as they are in a clear plastic bag AND are less than 4 oz. Conveniently, there was a gift shop right by the security check point where you could buy zip-loc bags. Isn't that so thoughtful?

I was pretty sure I didn't have anything, so I went on through. Security at the Indianapolis airport has always been the most brutal ordeal. Nearly every trip I've taken there, they practically do an anal cavity search. The line for the "special" security check, which includes this machine that emits puffs of air up and down your body, almost always includes anyone of color - an Indian family, a black woman, a guy with a dark tan, etc. No racial profiling here!

Everytime I've gone through Indianapolis airport's security, it has been an issue. Once, they searched my laptop bag, removing everything and then shoving it back in haphazardly in such a way that I couldn't zip the bag again. Once they had to "swab" my bag, whatever that means.

This time, my laptop and bag made it through, cords and wires and all, but not my purse. I had a small pot of Blistex DCT in my purse, and I was immediately pulled to the side. "Is there anything in here that might stab me?" she said. I said, "Not that I know of, but my keys and pens are in there." She rifled around until she removed the lip goo. "Do you have a clear plastic bag for this?" she said. "No..." I said with a big sigh, and then added, "This is considered a liquid??" She said, "Liquids, gels, creams...." and did her litany of non-allowed substances, none of which sounded like a category I would put the lip stuff into, since it's essentially a solid in my opinion. "It's less than 4 ounces," I said. "It has to be in a clear plastic bag," she said. "So, I could keep this if I put it in a clear plastic bag?" I said. "Yes," she said. Well, I didn't have a clear plastic bag, and I was running a little late, so I said, "Forget it, just throw it away."

I was infuriated. She had the stuff in her hand, why would it need to be in a clear plastic bag? I can understand if I had a whole bunch of toiletries, but one little pot of lip goo, which is essentially a solid to begin with? So, the flaw in this system is this: you can bring as many liquids, gels, creams, etc. as you want onto the airplane, as long as they are all in less than 4 oz. containers and they fit into a quart-sized zip-loc bag. That's right - you can have an entire ziploc baggie full of little pots of Blistex DCT, but you can't carry ONE without a baggie. Does that make any sense whatsoever? The logic for this on the TSA website is that this limits the amounts per passenger to a quart size bag per person. Except I had ONE TINY ITEM!!!

And then one of the TSA agents is yelling out, "We don't make these rules, we just follow them. One incident ruins it for everyone." One incident? Which would that be? Oh, she must mean the alleged plot to destroy aircraft in mid-flight from the UK to the US with liquid explosives in their carry-ons. The one that all the news channels ran with as if the world itself were imploding, but officials have since stated that the proposed plans that were reported had been "speculative and exaggerated." In fact, no one can agree on what kind of liquid explosives these people were planning to use, because they hadn't, in fact, made any kind of bombs. According to NBC News, a senior British official contended that an attack was not imminent, noting that the suspects had not yet purchased airline tickets and some did not even have passports

A former senior British Army Intelligence Officer with decades of anti-terror and explosives experience, declared the plot to be 'fiction,' saying that the explosives in question could not possibly have been produced on the plane. He further suggested that the plot was an invention of the UK security services in order to justify new security measures that threaten to permanently curtail civil liberties and to suspend sections of the United Kingdom's Human Rights Act of 1998. Wow, sounds like they are taking notes on Human Rights from the US!

In the immediate aftermath of this supposed "incident" (which really was not an incident at all but more of an idea), United States Homeland Security banned all liquids and gels except baby formula and prescription medications in carry-on luggage on all flights. The terror threat level in the United States was raised to 'severe' (red) for all flights from the UK. The terror level for all other domestic or non-British international flights in the United States was raised to High (orange).

According to the TSA website, there is no restriction on the amount of "non-prescription" items, such as, and I quote, "KY jelly!"

So, now that you know I was not able to take that Blistex on board with me, but I did, in fact, carry a pair of 6" scissors on the plane with me, ORANGE you glad TSA is doing such a great job at protecting us?