Today, I have awful, stinky gas. Other than that, I'm feeling good. The night before last, I had some sand-like diarrhea, almost thought I might not be up to walking in the Race for the Cure, but I soldiered on for the cause. The diarrhea has subsided, but has left the aftermath of very putrid smelling gas.If the explosive diarrhea (or, as I call it, the "assplosion") was the mushroom cloud of my atomic intestines, this gas would be the aftermath - the cloud of radioactive fallout that is following me around lo these past 24 hours.
This kind of gas can only be tolerated and released until it is out of the system. The fact that I ate beef hotdogs for lunch only made the smell stronger - with a tinge of beefiness. You know you're having strong gas when you can actually smell the stink while you're in the shower - and it makes you gag!
All of this reminds me of the curious bathroom habits we all have when it comes to pretty much everything except peeing. I was in the restroom at work just this past week, and someone entered the stall next to me, started to go, flushed the toilet, flushed again, and then started to spray something around. She apparently brought this with her into the bathroom since we don't have that stuff in there.
When I was on a certain medication, I would have such terrible diarrhea, with little or no warning. I had to carry extra clothes with me - and a couple of times I had to use them! One time, I ran down the hall to the restroom at work, only to find a couple of colleagues chatting it up in there. I yelled at them, "I'm about to have some explosive diarrhea, so can you take your conversation elsewhere?"
In the airport in Seoul, Korea (the nicest airport, EVER, I must say), there were these little doorbell looking things in each stall, right next to the toilet paper. Some said, "Courtesy Bell" on them, some said, "Etiquette Bell." I was SO curious about that thing, but was too afraid to press it. Maybe it was a poor translation of something and if I pressed it, the authorities would rush in and drag me out with my pants around my ankles.But now, 6 months later, I keep thinking about that button and what it does. After thorough research, my suspicions were confirmed - the "Courtesy Bell" is meant to mask any sounds which might be deemed impolite or un-ladylike. Once pushed, it makes a "flushing water" sound to cover the sounds of any possible air, poo, or gremlin escaping from your anal area. Interestingly, it is only in the women's restroom. Apparently men relishing their stink and sounds is universal.
So, of course my next thought is to wonder just how loud this flushing sound is. I mean, I've had some NOISY gas, I've had poo come shooting out so hard that it practically hits the back wall. And what if you're making vocal noises? Straining, or just plain whimpering at the curse upon your bowels. What might be even better is if the bell actually let out a little puff of air freshener when you used it, you know, a dual-duty appliance. Now, I'm even more disappointed that I didn't test that bell!
2 comments:
This is so funny, and so appropriate for me that you posted this yesterday, because...
...last night, Jason and I were both suffering the after-effects of our Sunday brunch. As we lay on the chair and couch, respectively, watching "Dazed and Confused," our farts were so sulfurously horrific that we both had to hold a book of matches and light one (or sometimes two or three) in a defensive maneuver whenever one of us ripped one. We were also shitting on the same schedule, which caused us to enact a "no lingering on the toilet" rule for the duration of the stomach upset.
Other comments: Did you really say that to your colleagues in the bathroom? That must have been some awful diarrhea!
And, about the etiquette bell. I think it's interesting because although it disguises the actual noises that are happening, you still know exactly what's going on in the next stall over because all of a sudden, the etiquette bell is going off. I think for most Americans, the etiquette bell wouldn't be all that effective because we don't just want our stall-neighbor to not hear the activity in our stall, but we kind of want to somehow erase it from their consciousness altogether.
I think we're more interested in a collective denial, like if we all ignore that someone's grunting and farting in the next stall over it will just go away. I think the South Koreans are making a statement with the etiquette bell that says, "We are comfortable with acknowledging that yes, our bodies make disgusting noises, and here's a way that we don't have to listen to them." And I think it's much more progressive and healthy than our "pretend it doesn't exist" bathroom policy.
Interesting stuff!
Wow - what timing! That's good stuff! An update from me: after eating chicken wings and soft pretzels for dinner, I came home and expelled almost everything. This morning, the residuals came out in long, snakey, tan-colored eels.
Yes - I REALLY did say that to my colleagues in the bathroom.
The idea with the etiquette bell is that it sounds like a toilet flushing, so you don't really know what's going on, just that a toilet is flushing.
The Korean aspect is that politeness is everything, hence the bell.
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