How to Spot a Serial Killer

Last night, I was sitting in the parking lot of a shopping center waiting for my husband to close the store so we could go to dinner. I was playing with my cell phone and watching the people around the mostly deserted parking lot. The only people really there were shoppers at the 24-hour grocery store next door.

I had to look when a car that can only be described as a "hoopty" pulled up to one of the empty parking spots next to me.

A man emerges from the car carrying a Swiffer in his hand, along with what appears to be a receipt. He was about 40, with a gentle walk, and wearing brown pants, a striped long-sleeve shirt, and bright white tennis shoes (sneakers, if you will.)

He entered the store with the Swiffer, and a few minutes later exited with nothing. At first, I didn't think much of it, but when he came back to his car, something about those unnaturally white sneakers and his gentle walk bothered me.

He proceded to spend no less than 15 minutes (I was waiting for husband for 1/2 hour) messing around in his backseat and trunk. That was when I decided this guy was a serial killer. He parked quite far away from the grocery store, in the almost empty lot of the store where my husband works. He looked the part. And he was messing around in his trunk. Could it be more obvious?

Let me describe the car for you - it was one of those older boat-like cars with sharp corners. The color was dark blue mixed with bondo, and some places had silver duct tape. The back bumper was tied onto the car by what appeared to be either twine or thick wire. When closed, the trunk didn't really close all the way, and around all of the doors there were gaps, as if the car were made up of puzzle pieces from different puzzles that didn't quite fit.

The car looked very much like the one driven by "snipers" John Muhammad John Lee Malvo during their multiple-state (around DC area) spree picking off strangers with a high-powered gun from their car in 2002.

The only things I could see the man take out of his trunk were a large gas can and a rather large funnel. Mmmmm...

What can we learn from this? 1. Serial killers like clean sneakers. 2. A Swiffer won't remove bloodstains. (Now, the Swiffer Wetjet, maybe...)

And as he drove off into the night, I heard him exclaim, "It puts the lotion on its skin!"