Sunday, October 19, 2008

Now I'm freeee.... free balling!

I've been really busy lately - not home a whole lot. And with the time I had to do laundry yesterday, I washed towels since S. was complaining about no clean towels and my nephews were sleeping over and we were giving them baths. But I should have washed underwear.

When I got dressed this morning, all I had left were the "reserve" underwear. These are 3 pairs of underwear that really don't fit me at all, but for some reason I've kept them in the back of the drawer. They are relatively new, since I apparently bought the wrong size to begin with. "Oh well," I thought. I've worn them before, and they end up being more like bikinis on my usual-brief-wearing lower torso. Not comfortable, but at least it's undies. (Check out my previous writing about panties: The Hierarchy of the Panties)

We took the boys to the zoo today. A really nice, if somewhat cool, fall day at a very empty zoo. Of course, as we usually do at the zoo, there was a lot of running and racing. First off, we started racing to the front of the zoo, me pushing the stroller, and S. running with my older nephew. After some jogging along, I felt the undies sliding off. Since there were other people around, I stopped running and check to make sure it's just the undies and not the pants, too. Everything's good, so I hike up the undies and keep going.

We visited the primate and aquatic building, which was exciting because the animals were very active today - we saw the gorillas, red pandas, a crazy running armadillo, and even a baboon with a really long penis that he was showing off (some people took pictures, but I was trying to keep an eye on the boys who were running around like crazy. Besides, last year I got some great shots of a chimpanzee being a cunning linguist on another chimp, and also two crazy squirrels going at it for like 20 minutes).

After seeing the animals, playing on the playground, and getting some lunch, we headed back down the hill to the Australian Outback area. At this point, my panties were really not doing anything for me. I had to keep pulling them up, and they pretty much parked below my butt, below my naughty bits - the only thing keeping them from falling off completely was the crotch of my pants that were holding them up. S. said that you couldn't tell they were falling off, but I don't know if I believe him.

After the Australia experience, we went to the bathroom, did the diaper change thing, and I decided that was it - time to lose the panties. I took 'em off and thought for a mili-second about putting them in my pocket, but decided to just toss them out.

When I came out, I said, "I'm free!" S. said, "So, you're going commando?" I said, "Can you tell?" And he said, "Yes." I said, "Really?" and he said, "Yeah, I can see the hairs poking out!" Nice! hahaha

Being this free is not very comfortable for me out in public. I like to have at least 2 layers of fabric between me and the outside world, especially at a germ-fest like the zoo.

I have been undie-less before, although it's rare. I have had a few occasions when I admit, I've pooped my pants. And the more people I admit this to, the more I know that pretty much everyone has or will poop their pants at some time in their life. If you haven't already, you will.

Most recently, I had a break during our board meetings last November from like noon to 3:00pm. I had a meeting at 3:00, so after a few hours of doing some work and trying not to fall asleep, right at 2:55, I had some gas, and yes, I let it rip. Well, it wasn't gas. And it was a LOT of shit. Sometimes you just have a little come out, ya know? This was so much, I had trouble getting down the hall to the bathroom! When I got there, I took off the undies and threw them away. But there was shit all down my legs and on my pants. I did the best I could, but there was no way I could go sit in a meeting smelling like shit.

I told my boss I was going to miss part of the meeting because "I had an incident and needed to go home and change my pants." She didn't even say anything, just "OK." So, I was only commando for the drive home, but still, walking to my car without undies and smelling like shit, well, you just feel like everyone knows. I ended up needing to shower off my ass and legs before changing my clothes and returning to work.

Back to the zoo story, I stayed undie-less for the rest of the afternoon and all the way home. We all got naps when we got home, and I finally washed a load of underwear. There's no way I can go to work tomorrow without panties!

Interestingly enough, Wikipedia has an entry for "Going Commando." I looked it up as I was curious about the origins of the phrase. Read it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_commando

2 comments:

UnrulyArchivist said...

I love your underwear posts. You are so able to adapt to the "shituation" (I'm remembering the day at the beach now too!)

I recently tossed all of my reserve underwear during one of my de-cluttering binges. Then this Monday, I realized I had NO clean undies except for my knee panties, so I had to wear a dress to work solely because of my underwear situation.

This will always and forever make me laugh: "I had an incident and needed to go home and change my pants." Classic.

Still wish you would have taken a picture of the baboon penis. Next time, do it for me, okay?

Tingle said...

I probably should get a post up about the "beach" day. I've had so many "Shituations" that I'm starting to forget them! Need to keep some sort of poop-journal or something! Of course, the "beach" day is immortalized on your blog, so I might just steal that...

This week, I bought a couple new packs of undies, so now I should be OK - new reserves!

I find it interesting that my boss didn't even bat an eye when I said "I had an incident and needed to go home and change my pants." She did laugh hysterically when I reinacted trying to get my vaginal suppository back in when it started "sliding" out in the garage one morning.

I bet we can find a baboon penis on the internet someplace. I tried to get a pic, told nephew D., "Let's go look at the naked monkey!" but when we got back over there, the baboon had moved.