Refrigerator Raider!

Finally, a holiday worth celebrating! A holiday that truly makes an impact on our world and makes our lives better. That's right, today, November 15, is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day!

Presumably, it's not International Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day because, well, only in America do we throw away endless amounts of food. Besides, I think they are still burying salted meats underground in most other countries.

If you're like me, leftovers of a meal I didn't really enjoy the first time around are put into plastic containers (tupperware, rubbermaid, etc.) As more important items like beer, wine, sake, hard cider, ameretto, sweet and sour mix, maraschino cherries, etc., are added to the refrigerator, the plastic container of god-knows-what gets shoved further and further into the back of the refrigerator.

Days or months later, you discover the container, peer through misty plastic and try to determine what it is (or was). If you are lucky, the item is glowing from within, allowing you a clear view of the new universe you have created in the airtight environment. If you don't remember putting anything into a container, chances are, you don't want to open it. If it's one of those ziploc containers, it's not worth it - don't open it, just toss it. But you paid $25 for the tupperware container, right? So, you're not going to just throw it away. You open it, carefully. The "psssssss" of the hermetically sealed airlock being broken is the warning signal. And then, the smell. The putrid scent that is so unholy and unnatural, you can't believe it was once something you ingested. And the sight! You may think, "I don't remember buying bleu cheese..." or "What kind of herb was that green stuff?" If it wasn't for the smell, some molds are actually quite beautiful, blossoming from rotten sloppy joe meat like a spring field of wildflowers.

I know people who, when met with a piece of moldy cheese, cut off the moldy part and eat the rest. Or, scrape the moldy part off the top of the spaghetti sauce, and dig into what lies beneath. I am not one of those people. If there is any hint of mold, or a strange scent, or a slightly slimy appearance, it's done. It's not frugal, I know.

Then there's the "crisper." I remember a very old Drew Carey stand-up routine where he talks about the "crisper" and says, "They should call this thing the rotter, because that's what's happening." Why do refrigerator manufacturers even make these bins anymore? It's true, whatever is put in there is soon forgotten until you clean out the fridge and find a mass of green sludge that was once a tasty mango (that no one tasted). At our house, we continue to call it the "rotter" and have a new plan to keep veggies and fruits from dying in the black hole of those bins. We use the rotter for beer and soda cans. That way they get used, and the veggies and fruits are put in a more visible location (where, sad to say, they usually still rot, but at least you see them going bad and can toss them sooner).

Now let's talk about the freezer. If you're like me, you like to think that anything put in the freezer will last indefinitely. But if you've ever pulled a pack of ground beef from the permafrost that has gone from its healthy red-pink, to red-brown, to gray-brown, to the color of death, you know that things in the freezer don't last forever. Today is the day to throw it away. Trust me - when your Eggo waffles are coated in ice crystals, they turn soggy in the toaster. Ick. Toss 'em.

Some other helpful tips as you clean out your refrigerator:

• Take everything out;
• Wash down and disinfect the inside walls of the refrigerator, the shelves, and all along the door seal;
• Wash everything going back in - bins, racks, and even the outsides of jars;
• Vacuum the coils at the back of the fridge, if your model has them;
• Clean the floor underneath the fridge.

I can vouch for those last two - it really is important to vacuum the coils at least once a year. We've gone through 3 refrigerators in 12 years and finally someone told me to do this. It's especially important if you have pets because pet hair collects on the coils, and the toys can get stuck under the fridge near the coils.

So, why National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day? It has been speculated that it's just good timing, to allow room for Thanksgiving goodies and holiday leftovers. Besides, if you have guests coming over, you don't want to be mortified when they find something that looks like a Mogwai living in your fridge.

As another point of reference, the Red Cross offers these tips for food safety if your refrigerator dies or the power goes out: Food Safety in a Power Outage

So put on your hazmat gear and dig in. It's Saturday, and if you live in Ohio, it's probably raining, so what better time to do it. I don't need to do it - we had to throw away everything in August when our refrigerator died and we got a new one. The old one, with it's Fridge Graffiti is still on the back deck (without doors). Click here to read about how we violated the poor old fridge. In the new fridge, we only have like 5 items in the freezer and everything is new. Guess I'll go to the movies.