The Mams Have Been Grammed!

On Thursday, I had my first mammogram. I always thought you were supposed to start having those at age 40, but my doctor wanted me to have it done before we start the IVF stuff.

When I made my appointment, they said that I should wear a "2-piece" outfit because you have to undress from the waist up (and presumably they don't want you standing there completely naked) and that I should not wear any deodorant, perfume, creams, lotions, or powder. Because my appointment wasn't until 2:55pm, it was a challenge for me not to wear deodorant that morning, but I did it. I was self-conscious all day, but I did it.

I got there a few minutes early to fill out the paperwork, including a form about if I was having any breast issues or if breast cancer runs in the family and all that stuff.

As soon as I turned that in, they called me back. I went into a little dressing room where I was to undress from the waist up and put on a hospital gown.

OK, so someone help me out here - are you supposed to put these things on with the ties in the back or the front??? I never know! I put it on with the ties in the back (but didn't tie it) and went into the exam room.

She asked me a few questions (most importantly if I was pregnant) and then had me slip one arm out of the gown. She lifted my breast onto a flat shelf on the machine, had me lean forward, and then lowered a clear plastic "vice-like" part that clamped down on the breast. It continues to press down until the breast is flat as a pancake. It is UNBELIEVABLE how flat they make your breast! I looked down and my boob looked like a dinner plate! The technician said to me, "Please keep your head up" which I think was just to keep you from freaking out about what your boob looks like!
The first scan was not as painful as I thought it might be - it was tight and uncomfortable, but it only stays clamped for like 30 seconds and as soon as the scan is done, it releases.

The second "position" was more uncomfortable - it was a scan of the side, so you kind of hug the machine and it clamps sideways. That hurt a bit - the technician said to "hold my breath" during the scan, but for that second position, I was holding my breath the whole time.

Before the second boob, I said to the technician that I thought I should get Mardi Gras beads because it was my first mammogram, and it was Mardi Gras week, and I was showing my boobs to a stranger! She chuckled a little and said that she was surprised no one ever said that before.

When I was having trouble getting in to the "position," she said that even though she knows what to do, she still has a hard time when she gets her own mammogram done. She also said that I have a "lot of breast tissue to work with" so that helps! I was like, "Why thank you!"

For the second boob, I put my arm back into the gown and took the other arm out. This always makes me think - why bother with the gown?? I mean, you're going to see and touch both of my breasts anyway, why not just let them be out there? I think it's just for the comfort and modesty of the patient, but I think it's ridiculous. It's the same at the gyno appointments - you strip from the waist down, get up on the table, and they give you this paper sheet to put over your legs. Um, hello? Yeah, you are going to have your head between my legs and will be all up in there in a couple of minutes - do I really need this ridiculous sheet? The doctor is going to see my most intimate of intimates, and I'm covering up with a paper sheet? For what?? Like I said, I'm sure it's for patient comfort, but I think we, as patients, need to start being realistic about the ridiculousness of these things!

After the second scan of the second boob, she wanted to look at the scans quickly, and while she was waiting for the computer to bring them up, I asked about this small glass wall, and she said it was "leaded glass" for her protection. I thought that was pretty cool, I'd never seen that before (usually the technician at an x-ray place or dentist's office goes back behind a wall or whatever). I said, "The Cleveland Clinic has the best stuff!" and she agreed saying, "Yeah, you should have seen the place where I worked before!"

All in all, the entire process took less than 10 minutes! I expected to be there for a while, but they got me in and out and on my way very quickly. They said my results will be sent to my doctor and then I'll get results in the mail in 2 weeks or so. And now I know, it wasn't that bad at all!