This month...

So, we went to the doctor on Monday morning. I was a bit paranoid about how we were going to pay for this round of drugs and tests and procedures - last month, the total was about $3,000 and I put off other bills to pay for everything.

Thankfully, S. went with me. We first went in for the blood work, then for the ultrasound. The ultrasound showed 2 large follicles remained on my left ovary.

The next thing we usually do is meet with a nurse, who tells us the "protocol" we're going to follow for the month, what dose, how to do it, etc.

This time, the nurse sat with us for a moment and told us that the follicles were very large and that in all likelihood, we would need to skip this month and hope those follicles would go back to normal. She said my doctor wanted to meet with us. When she left the room, I immediately started crying.

Dr. G. (who I've known since before we started having fertility issues) came in, closed the door, and sat down. He said, "I'm so sorry, you guys have been through so much already, but we can't do the treatments and IUI this month. The ovaries have been overstimulated and the follicles are too large." He asked me if I'd been in any pain, and I said I had, especially around the ovulation time. He said to call when I got my next period and they'd see what the ovaries looked like then.

I managed to keep it together through the waiting room (I didn't think breaking down in the fertility clinic waiting room was a very good idea). And then I broke down at the elevator, thank goodness S. was there to comfort me.

In a lot of ways, it's probably good - this was an emotional cycle for me. It took a toll emotionally, physically, and financially. Still, after getting my period, I had my few hours of depression, and then geared myself up to try again. I went in that morning with the expectation that this was "Round 2." I never expected that they would tell me I couldn't try this month. I didn't know this was a possibility.

I know it's only a month, but I just feel like so much time is slipping away. I don't want to waste any time!

So, this month, we lay low, no drugs, no injections, no tests, no procedures. But we're still allowed to keep trying on our own, so I guess not all is lost.

Thanks for everyone's kind thoughts and e-mails. Sorry I didn't update you on this before, I needed to wrap my mind around this, and also have had a nasty cold most of the week.