Thank you for lettin' me be myself!

This is a random, stream of consciousness list of things I am thankful for right now at this moment. This is in no way intended to be an exhaustive list, and it is not in any particular order.

Things I'm thankful for:

• Friends - old and new and old ones that are new again.
• Heat - including hot water. I don't know what I would do if I could not get a hot shower every day. And being in a warm house makes the cold weather a bit easier to take.
• Elastic.
• My job - I get frustrated and sometimes feel overworked, but I love my job. I'm so grateful I get to be involved in an organization I believe in, doing something that fits me, and working with people who are passionate and intelligent.
• Hope - ever since K sent me a garden rock with the word "HOPE" on it when I first started trying to have a baby (almost 10 years ago, believe it or not), the word "HOPE" has been something I've carried in my heart as a personal mantra. And I connected with Savannah because she named her daughter Hope, and I loved that name. All over my house I have little ornaments with the word "HOPE" to remind me of the power of having hope, even when things look bleak. I'm hopelessly hopeful.
• Nephews - my two nephews have filled me with so much love that I feel like the luckiest aunt on earth. I love those kids more than anything, they are smart and funny and cute and loving and just fun to be around. I'm also lucky to be an honorary aunt to some very special kids, who also fill my life with joy, even though I don't get to see them as often as I'd like. The children in my life have healed my heart more than anything else.
• Family - yes, all families are dysfunctional in their own way, but we all love each other and that counts for something.
• I've lived past 30 - I never thought I would. I don't know why, I just never thought I would live this long. So every day now is like a bonus!
• Chocolate (I don't think I need to explain this one)
• Clean water - after working with people from around the world, being exposed to advocacy issues concerning water, and traveling abroad to places where you CANNOT drink the water, I am aware of how lucky we are in the U.S. to be able to turn a faucet and have clean drinking water.
• Being debt-free - S. and I have been able to pay off all of our debts this year and that is something I am so grateful for. I am very aware that it is not something that many folks can experience, especially in this difficult economic time and in the midst of foreclosures. After receiving an inheritance, we were able to pay off our house and loans. It's interesting that now that I can afford it, I don't feel like spending money. (But I did get a new camera and an iPod, for which I am also grateful...)
• Sparkly stuff
• Faith/Spirit - I am grateful for spiritual mentors and friends who have helped lead me to a belief that fits me. I'm thankful for those who have listened to my theories and theologies, my questions and questions and questions, my anger and bitterness, my desire to have answers and understandings. There isn't a name or religion-label to put with what I believe, but I'm finding a spiritual comfort zone, and I am grateful for that.
• Music - I could not live without music. When I did my uterus collage, I put music notes in the ovaries, and my mom said, "Of course your ovaries would have music in them!" I love that I continue to find music that moves me. I love music. My iPod sleeps closer to me than my husband.
• Sake and Clonazepam - two things that help me get through the tough days (besides friends, crying, and sleeping). Sake is a new discovery for me. That will likely be a future blog entry.
• Sense of humor - I may not be interesting or funny to anyone else, but I find myself pretty entertaining! My self-deprecating humor is a self-defense mechanism. My sarcasm is often a way of telling the truth. I'm so glad that I am able to laugh and find humor in life. There was a time when I never thought I'd laugh again.
• Forgiving before being asked.
• Realizing that if you act with love, you can't go wrong.
• Eggnog milkshake season is here again.
• Quiet - I think some people might be surprised to know that I crave quiet, but I do. As I've dealt with things in my life, being alone and quiet has been more than a desire - it is a need for me. Doing anything with other people for long periods of time is very hard for me - I need a break from talking and engaging. Sometimes I take a bath and sink my head down under the water to cover my ears, close my eyes, and just listen to the water and my heartbeat. It's about the only time when I'm not thinking about something.
• Hugs.
• Google Maps.
• That I've somehow managed to lose 27 pounds this year, and even though some was not intentional, some was, and I am feeling better physically and emotionally as I've gotten some health issues under control in the last few months.
• Febreze.
• That even though the universe did not create me beautiful, it did create in me the ability to see and appreciate it in the world.
• Porn (yeah, I said it)
• Oceans and rivers and lakes and ponds and puddles that quench my thirsty soul.
• Deserts and grass and mountains and parks that dry me out when tears overflow.
• Independent movies and music.
• That there is no limit to my capacity for love.
• The kindness of strangers.
• Flushable wipes.
• Grilled cheese at my favorite restaurant, Pickwick & Frolic (they make it with Gouda and bacon!)
• A month without a plane ride.
• Facebook (yes, I'm addicted - but it has also brought special people back into my life and helped me connect more)
• That art is as meaningful as science - and just as important.
• The right to vote.
• Really nice, helpful people as cashiers, drive-thru order-takers, and pizza deliverers.
• That fat women like me now have more clothing options than muumuus.
• Orgasms.
• That there always seems to be a rest area just when you need it.


• and YOU!