Beautiful Pharmeceuticals

Whoever does the marketing for pharmaceutical companies is brilliant! I've never taken Lunesta, but that Lunesta moth (I recently learned it's supposed to be a Luna moth, get it?) that flies around the sleepy town and gently hovers over people sleeping so soundly makes me not only WANT Lunesta, it makes me want to have that moth, even BE that moth! I think it's funny that one of the side effects they list is "drowsiness!" I would hope so, isn't that the point? I also learned that Lunesta is in the same class of drugs as Rohypnol, also known as the "date rape drug." Like Rohypnol, Lunesta can cause memory loss. I guess that would make some people not want to take it, but memory loss sounds kinda nice to me at times. So, if I take Lunesta, do you think the Lunesta moth will come?

I actually do take Zoloft, and I just adore the little Zoloft egg. It's so cute and so sad and alone in the commercials and print material, and then, with the magic and beauty of the medication, the egg is able to enjoy life again.












Another one I'm particularly fond of is the "Your Dreams Miss You" ads from Rozerem, the ones with the beaver and Abraham Lincoln. These ads get a bit annoying, but if you go to their website, http://www.rozerem.com/, you may gain a newfound appreciation for their marketing campaign, as I have. At the website, you can play chess with the beaver, and click on anything in the kitchen and it will take you to healthy sleep practices, a dream dictionary, and even Podcasts of relaxing music to help you sleep.

While all this marketing and promotion is impressive, it also makes you wonder: How much money do these pharmaceutical companies really make?!

Ten Days in the Valley

When I got over the shock and surprise over the shootings at Virginia Tech, I started thinking about that week. So many strange and devastating things have happened in that week, especially in recent years. I remember Waco, Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine, and now Virginia Tech. Since my nephew was born on April 15 and I was married on April 20, some of the happiest moments of my life have happened in that week, too. I decided I wanted to look into the strange, sometimes tragic events of these days, along with the wonderful happenings in my life, stretching from April 12 - April 22.

April 12
1861 - American Civil War: The war begins with Confederate forces firing on Fort Sumter, in the harbor of Charleston, South Carolina.
1931 - The strongest wind in the world measured at 231 mph was recorded on the summit of Mount Washington
1945 - President Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd President of the United States, dies while in office; vice-president Harry S. Truman is sworn in as the 33rd President of the United States.
2007 - Veteran talk radio personality Don Imus is fired by CBS Radio, eight days after making racially inflammatory on-air remarks about the Rutgers University women's basketball team.

April 13
1743 - Thomas Jefferson is born, 3rd President of the United States (New style date) (d. 1826)
Aerosmith Day is celebrated in Massachusetts
Friday the 13th is observed on this day in the year 2007
(a rather quiet day, comparatively...)

April 14
1846 - The Donner Party of pioneers departs Springfield, Illinois, for California, on what will become a year-long journey of hardship, cannibalism, and survival.
1865 - U.S. President Abraham Lincoln is shot in Ford's Theatre by John Wilkes Booth.
1912 - The British ocean liner RMS Titanic strikes an iceberg in the North Atlantic on its maiden voyage at 11:40 P.M., plunging beneath the waves and taking with it over 1,500 lives at about 2:20 a.m. the following morning.
1935 - "Black Sunday", the worst dust storm of the Dust Bowl.
1964 - A Delta rocket's third-stage motor prematurely ignites in an assembly room at Cape Canaveral, killing 3.
1986 - 2.2 pounds (1 kg) of hailstones fall on the Gopalganj district of Bangladesh, killing 92. These are the heaviest hailstones ever recorded.

April 15
WONDERFUL EVENT: My nephew is born in 2004! He shares his birthday with Leonardo da Vinci, Italian Renaissance Roman Catholic polymath born in 1452.
1955 - Ray Kroc opens his first franchise of McDonald's restaurant in Des Plaines, Illinois.
1989 - Hillsborough disaster: A human crush occurs at Hillsborough Stadium, a football stadium in Sheffield, resulting in 96 deaths.
1989 - Upon Hu Yaobang's death, the Tiananmen Square protests of 1989 begin in the People's Republic of China.
April 15 is the official deadline for filing tax return in most areas of the United States.

April 16
1178 BC - A solar eclipse may have marked the return of Odysseus, legendary King of Ithaca, to his kingdom after the Trojan War.
73 - Masada, a Jewish fortress, falls to the Romans after several months of siege, ending the Jewish Revolt.
1867 - Wilbur Wright, American aviation pioneer, is born (d. 1912)
1889 - Charles Chaplin, English actor, writer, and film producer, is born (d. 1977)
1924 - Henry Mancini, American composer, is born (d. 1994)
1927 - Pope Benedict XVI is born
1945 - German ship Goya, overfilled with refugees, sinks after being torpedoed by a Soviet submarine, killing more than 7,000 people.
1947 - Texas City Disaster: An explosion on board a freighter in port causes the city of Texas City, Texas, to catch fire, killing almost 600.
1971 - Selena, American singer, is born. She died in 1995, shot by a fan.
1998 - The Nashville Tornado of 1998, one of the most serious urban tornadoes causes one death and significantly damages downtown Nashville, Tennessee.
2007 - Virginia Tech massacre, the deadliest mass shooting in modern American history, leaves 33 dead.
April 16 is also Holocaust Remembrance day

April 17
1397 - Geoffrey Chaucer tells the Canterbury Tales for the first time at the court of Richard II. Chaucer scholars have also identified this date (in 1387) as when the book's pilgrimage to Canterbury starts.
1492 - Spain and Christopher Columbus sign a contract for him to sail to Asia to get spices.
1521 - Martin Luther speaks to the assembly at the Diet of Worms, refusing to recant his teachings.
1790 - Benjamin Franklin, American inventor, diplomat, and printer, dies (b. 1706)
1961 - Bay of Pigs Invasion: A group of CIA financed and trained Cuban refugees lands at the Bay of Pigs in Cuba with the aim of ousting Fidel Castro.
1970 - Apollo program: The ill-fated Apollo 13 spacecraft returns to Earth safely.
1989 - Followers of cult leader Jeffrey Lundgren murder the Avery family

April 18
1775 - American Revolution: Two lanterns were hung in the steeple of the Old North Church in Boston, Massachusetts, indicating British advancement by sea; Paul Revere, William Dawes and Samuel Prescott ride to warn of impending arrests of Samuel Adams and John Hancock.
1880 - A F4 tornado strikes Marshfield, Missouri, killing 99 people and injuring 100.
1906 - An earthquake with an estimated magnitude of 7.9, destroys much of San Francisco, California.
1955 - Albert Einstein, Nobel Prize laureate dies (b. 1879)
1983 - A suicide bomber destroys the United States embassy in Beirut, Lebanon, killing 63 people.
1994 - Richard Nixon, former President of the United States suffers a stroke and dies four days later.

April 19
1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Battle of Lexington and Concord which began the American Revolutionary War.
1882 - Charles Darwin, English biologist, dies (b. 1809)
1989 - A gun turret explodes on the USS Iowa, killing 47 sailors.
1903 - Eliot Ness, American lawman, is born (d. 1957)
1993 - The 51-day siege of the Branch Davidian building outside Waco, Texas, USA, ends when a fire breaks out. Eighty-one people die.
1995 - Oklahoma City bombing: The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA, is bombed, killing 168. That same day convicted murder Richard Wayne Snell, who had ties to bombing suspect Timothy McVeigh, was executed in Arkansas.

April 20
WONDERFUL EVENT: My wedding in 1996!
570 - Prophet Muhammed, founder of Islam, is born (d. 632) (date disputed)
1889 - Birth of Adolf Hitler, Austrian-born First World War veteran and leader of Nazi Germany from 1933 until his death (d. 1945)
1912 - Bram Stoker, Irish author, dies (b. 1847)
1999 - 15 students (including the two gunmen) and a teacher die in the Columbine High School massacre.
2004 - My nephew is rushed to the hospital when he stops breathing at 5 days old. After a few days in the hospital, he's sentd home with a breathing monitor and has grown fine ever since.
2007 - Johnson Space Center Shooting: A man with a hand gun barricades himself in NASA's Johnson Space Center before killing a male hostage and himself.
4/20 in cannabis culture.

April 21
1910 - Mark Twain, American author and humorist, dies (b. 1835)
1926 - Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom is born
1930 - A fire at a penitentiary in Columbus, Ohio, kills 320 people.
1989 - Tiananmen Square Protests of 1989: In Beijing, around 100,000 students gather in Tiananmen Square to commemorate Chinese reform leader Hu Yaobang.
2007 - A Blue Angels jet crashes during an air show in South Carolina

April 22
1889 - At high noon, thousands rush to claim land in the Land Run of 1889. Within hours the cities of Oklahoma City and Guthrie are formed with populations of at least 10,000.
1954 - Red Scare: Army-McCarthy Hearings begin.
1984 - Ansel Adams, American photographer, dies (b. 1902)
1994 - Richard Nixon, President of the United States, dies (b. 1913)
2000 - In a predawn raid, federal agents seize six-year-old Elián González from his relatives' home in Miami, Florida.
Earth Day

Can you believe all these things, often historical and world-changing, have happened in a span of 10 days? It makes me wonder if there are some sort of cosmic allignments during these days. The Titanic, President Lincoln gets shot, the Civil War begins, Roosevelt dies, Tiananmen Square, Nixon dies, Bay of Pigs Invasion, the great San Francisco Earthquake, the American Revolution begins, McCarthy Hearings AND Virginia Tech, Waco, Oklahoma City, and Columbine? Seems like something more than coincidence.

Another Mental Nugget

Am I the only person on the planet who didn't realize that the band Foo Fighters was actually named after the term "foo fighter," which was what World War II pilots called UFOs and other strange happenings in the skies? And I thought it was just a band...

Bare Grief

Sometimes, I hear a song or read something that really resonates with me and something I've experienced. Most of the time, these have to do with grief - a grief unlike any other grief I've ever experienced. When I hear or read or see something that speaks to that place in me that was hollowed out by grief, I wonder what that person went through for them to get to that place, that depth.

A couple of weeks ago, I caught the movie "Four Weddings and a Funeral" for the billionth time (more on that and my Hugh Grant obsession later). I love that movie, and seeing it again reminded me of a poem in it that really affected me even the first time I saw the movie. So much so, that I started reading more W.H. Auden poetry and bought one of his poetry books.

This poem so clearly and beautifully sums up the feelings I had after losing my son and losing a subsequent pregnancy 4 months later. It describes grief distilled to its barest essence.

Funeral Bluesby W.H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

It's the End of the Week as We Know It

NOTE: All the photos in this blog entry are actual Cleveland photos from this week. I did not take any of them, however.

People around here are talking Armegeddon. Here's a brief overview of the week (mostly from my perspective) in Northeast Ohio:

Monday - Earthquake (see blog entry: Shake, Rattle, and Roll in Cleveland!)

Tuesday - The weather was 72 degrees and perfect. Driving to work at around 9:30am (I went in late), I was amazed by the stripes of contrails criss-crossing the sky. The news reported later that they were inundated with calls, questions, photos and e-mails as the contrails were reported in the sky across northeast Ohio. Contrails (see photo) are man-made cirrus clouds created by hot jet exhaust. When the hot exhaust hits the cold atmosphere, condensation occurs, creating ice crystals which create the visible trails. Amazingly clear skies, just the right amount of humidity and very little air movement in the upper atmosphere led to numerous contrails being visible in the skies that day. Most days the contrails are quickly blown apart by air movement in the upper atmosphere, but since there was very little air movement, the contrails were visible until the sun went down. Contrail is short for "condensation trails" which are sometimes called "vapor trails."

Due to the weird warmness I washed my car, and even vacuumed the inside. Of course, later that evening, it rained.

Upon my arrival at home that evening, our land-line phone wasn't working. The DSL and satellite TV were, however working. Using my mobile phone, I called in the problem to the phone company and was told by their automated system that the problem will be resolved by the end of the day Wednesday.

Wednesday - Another warm day in the 60s. Around sunset, a cold front moved in and the temperature plummeted to temps in the 30s.

Our phone was still not working, so I called the phone company with my mobile phone to see what was going on. They told me that they came out to fix it, but that the problem is inside the house and they would need to schedule an appointment. I was a little irritated that I had to call them to find this out and that, even though I gave them my mobile phone number, they had not contacted me to tell me this.

After hanging up, I called back to see if the incoming calls could be forwarded to voice mail since it was presently just ringing busy. They couldn't get that to work, so they had my calls forwarded to my cell phone. In the middle of setting that up, I looked outside and the sky was black with big, rolling clouds. My husband yelled to me, "Hey, tornadoes!"

Strong thunderstorms, wind, hail and tornado warnings accompanied an incoming cold front. A tornado touched down west of Cleveland. Rain continued overnight. Flood warnings are also posted for the entire night. Later, the rain teamed up with sleet, snow, and ice. After two days of very warm weather, it was quite warm in the house and I had trouble getting comfortable, so we opened the bedroom window for some air.

Thursday - After a restless night sleeping with the window open because it was so hot, we awake to 2+ inches of heavy wet snow. Traffic was a nightmare as many streets were flooded, trees and branches were down from the wind, and traffic lights weren't working. The snow melted by noon, but the day remained cold - in the 30s. We experienced a beautiful orange/pink/blue sunset and a thankfully uneventful evening.

Friday - Today, everything seemed calm, the traffic was tolerable, and I even called in to the local radio station on my way to work to relay an "embarassing moment" and was the first one they put on the air! But now, just a bit before noon, huge dramatic snow flakes are steadily dropping. ugh!

When my boss told me there was a partial solar eclipse coming up (on Monday, March 19), I started to wonder, "What's next? Frogs falling from the sky? Locusts?" Unfortunately, we won't be able to witness the eclipse from here. It will be visible mostly in eastern and central Asia and northern parts of Alaska.

One weather blogger (yes, there is such a thing) said, "Only in Cleveland could we have an earthquake, tornado, thunderstorms and snow all in one week." The news is calling it a "Wacky Weather Week" and quoting the old adage about weather in northeast Ohio: "If you don't like the weather, wait a few minutes!"

I say, "Repent! The end of the week is near!"

When Animals Attack!

Last night, I'm watching mindless TV and the news comes on. I'm waiting to see an update about the Great Quake of '07 (see previous post) when this news story comes on.

To summarize, 2 people who killed 2 cats by throwing them out their car window were sentenced to community service at an animal shelter.

Although it's not part of this video, one of the shelter workers said that they wanted the criminals to see how sweet the animals were. And then this one attacks the reporter! This was probably the single most hilarious thing I've ever seen on live TV. I was checking YouTube for it since last night, finally someone posted it, and I am grateful to relive the hilarity over and over again. The look on her face after the attack is just PRICELESS! I have to admit, I was impressed that she got it together and got back on air afterward. Way to rally!

Shake, Rattle, and Roll in Cleveland!

Last night, I survived an earthquake! Although rare in this region, we had a 3.6 magnitude earthquake last night that left a lot of folks "shook up." I live in Ohio in southeast Cuyahoga County, but last night, my husband and I were visiting my brother, sister-in-law and nephews last night in northeast Summit County. At about 7:20pm I was sitting on the floor holding my 2-month-old nephew while my husband was playing with my other nephew (2 1/2 years old) in his room when the quake hit.

At first, it felt like really strong thunder, the kind that rattles the windows, but it was deeper than thunder, and, sitting on the floor, I could feel the floor shaking. The baby was fussy and screaming through the entire incident (my brother and sister-in-law went out for a while) and I yelled to my husband, "WHAT was THAT????" As usual, he said, "I don't know..." rather calmly, but I could tell he was also a little "rattled" and my nephew also had a look of concern on his face (we tried to minimize our concern so he wouldn't be worried).

We looked around the house, then looked around outside. I immediately thought earthquake, but because they are so rare in these parts, I tried to think of other explanations. Was it just thunder? Maybe a tree fell (but it didn't look like it). I looked around outside for signs of an explosion or a structure that fell, but didn't see anything, and the sky sure didn't look like a "thunder" kind of sky.

When my brother called around 7:30pm to check in, I told him, "I think we had an earthquake!" Just then, the breaking news on the TV confirmed that yes indeed, it was an earthquake. My brother said, "Is the garage still standing? Make sure you guys get in the doorways!" He was, of course, joking (I think).

Amazingly, my baby nephew calmed down shortly after the earthquake and fell asleep and was much less fussy the rest of the night, which made me wonder if, like some animals, babies have that 6th sense when there's some change in the earth or something.

I talked to my 2-year-old nephew about it some, although he didn't really seem that worried about it and was intensely watching a Crocodile Hunter show about snakes. I said, "Remember when everything was shaking?" and he said, "Yes" and I said, "It was an earthquake! Pretty cool, huh?" and he was like, "Yeah..." but wasn't that excited or anything.

This map shows the epicenter. The green hexagon is where I live. The pink flower is where we were when the Great Quake of '07 hit.

Here's what the news: reported:

Quake shakes, shocks 3 counties
'Minor' 3.6-magnitude temblor felt in Cuyahoga, Summit, Portage
Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The earth shook Monday night in Northeast Ohio. Residents in Cuyahoga, Summit and Portage counties felt a 3.6-magnitude earthquake about 7:20 p.m. that was centered five miles north of Ravenna, just south of the Ohio Turnpike in Portage County. Quakes with magnitudes measuring between 3.0 and 3.9 are considered "minor," according to the U.S. Geological Survey. Try telling that to the hundreds of Northeast Ohioans who don't get to see their walls shimmy all that often.

There were reports of rumbling and shaking in Stow, Bath Township, Akron, Cuyahoga Falls and Solon. People said their dishes rattled, chairs swayed, and dogs jumped to their feet. Some even said they thought there had been an explosion nearby. Police dispatchers in Ravenna, Macedonia, Twinsburg and Northfield were overwhelmed with calls from both panicky and curious residents. The Twinsburg Police Department fielded more than 500 calls within a half-hour, according to harried dispatcher Jennifer Wagner. "We had 10 lines ringing nonstop," Wagner said. Macedonia Mayor Don Kuchta was enjoying a quiet night with a book when he heard a rumbling noise coming toward his house. "It was like a roll of thunder," Kuchta said. "Then it felt like somebody ran into our house with a car."

Mike Hansen, network coordinator for the Ohio Earthquake Information Center, says this is a typical account of a 3.6-magnitude earthquake. "It gives people a pretty good jolt," Hansen said, "but it doesn't last more than a few seconds." Earthquakes in the eastern United States tend to travel farther from the epicenter, Hansen said. This is because the waves travel through flat-lying brittle rock that carries the energy about 10 times as far as earthquakes on the West Coast.

The U.S. Geological Survey reported that people as far north as Cleveland and as far south as Canton felt the trembling. No one felt more than light shaking, and no damage was reported.
The most recent earthquake of this size to hit Northeast Ohio was a 3.8-magnitude temblor that struck June 21 and was centered about 10 miles northeast of Painesville.
Like this one, it didn't cause any major damage.

The story is also on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU1G_jW7ZhA

In the news story on YouTube, they mention the January 31, 1986 earthquake, which I very vividly remember since I was in 7th grade at the middle school in geometry class and I thought the girl in front of me was shaking her leg and making my desk shake. Everybody got quiet when we felt it, but me, being oblivious as always, yelled out, “Kim, stop shaking my desk!!” Then I realized that the windows were rattling, too, and everyone was feeling it. It was a weird year, since I vividly remember being in the same class when we learned of the Challenger explosion on January 28 of the same year.

• Ohio Department of Natural Resources - Division of Geological Survey
  January 1986 - Northeastern Ohio Earthquake
  
• US Geological Survey: Historic Earthquakes
  Northeast Ohio 1/31/1986, Magnitude 5.0, Intensity VI

The 1986 quake was the first earthquake in Ohio where injuries were reported, and they believe it was the third largest earthquake in Ohio. The epicenter was in Lake County, the county just east of Cuyahoga County where I live (and lived at the time). The official Richter scale magnitude was 4.96.

Damage in the area close to the epicenter was minor. Merchandise fell from store shelves and buildings in the area had cracked plaster and cracked or broken windows. Interestingly, there were reports of changes in water wells - different color or taste, wells going dry, or wells increasing their flow.

I do also remember there being some concern about the Perry Nuclear Power Plant in northern Lake County, which was only 11 miles north of the epicenter. The plant was not in operation at the time the earthquake hit, but did sustain some minor cracks and water pipe leaks. In a time of concern over nuclear power, the cold war, and just a few months later, the Chernobyl disaster, I am now seeing why I had so many nightmares about nuclear annihilation growing up!

So... what do they call the residents?

I was inspired to write this blog after receiving an amusing e-mail from my friend, ScrapGirl. Here's what the e-mail said:

A Little German Town Named . . .

Are the residents called Fuckers?
What are the mothers called?
What would you be learning at the Fucking High School?
Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?
If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking friend.

I found this deeply amusing and decided to learn more about Fucking. The article is right, one of the biggest Fucking crimes is the theft of Fucking signs. I decided to seek out other obscenely named towns.

While none of the ones I came up with can rival Fucking, Germany, I found some amusing nonetheless...

Wank, Bavaria, Germany - this link also contains the equally amusing links to the "Wank Webcam" and "Wank-Haus"

Condom, Gers (France) (and there's actually a Bishop of Condom!!!) About.com says this: Given the more widespread social use in the English language, of the word condom, it is interesting to note that the town is located on the river Baïse; baise is a French vulgarism for a sex act. The city is a popular target for street sign stealing tourists. It is also home to a museum of famous population-controlling devices.

Big Bone Lick, Kentucky
Located in Boone County, northern Kentucky, Big Bone Lick is a famous landmark located in Big Bone Lick State Park, which is one of the most famous paleontological sites in North America. Why, even Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson studied the bones there! Possibly even licking the big bones they found! Nearby, you will find Big Bone Creek, which empties into the Ohio River at Big Bone Landing. Lewis and Clark are said to have dubbed the region "the birthplace of American paleontology." As another legend has it, Lewis was overheard saying to his Clark, "I've got a Big Bone you can lick!"

Beaverlick, Kentucky
Since this region is rich with salt, ("lick" being short for "salt lick") there are a lot of places in Kentucky with the word "lick" in them. But come on, what if you were a graduate of Beaverlick High School? I think Lewis' wife, after overhearing his Big Bone Lick comment, said, "Well, I've got a beaver you can lick, baby!"

Dildo, Newfoundland, Canada
Named one of the ten prettiest small towns in Canada in 2001, when you visit Dildo, be sure to check out the Dildo Museum. And you won't want to miss the Historic Dildo Days celebration in August. When residents talked of changing the town's name, one person stated, "Dildo was good enough for our forefathers so Dildo is good enough for us." Amen!

Dildo Key, Florida
Can you believe there's another place with the name Dildo? Dildo Key is a small island in the Florida Bay, located in Everglades National Park. It was named for the Dildo cactus. While Dildo Key is home to Dildo Island Adventures (which sounds like my kind of thing), it is also home to the Dildo cactus, which makes me clench up in imagined agony!

Kunst-Wet, Brussels, Belguim
OK, so this is really a Metro Stop in Brussels. It's the stop where you will find the Australian Embassy, if that's some place you might need to go. Apparently, it's short for two street names, Kunstlaan and Wetstraat. When giving directions to the Australian Embassy, they like to tell people, "Take the Metro. And dont get off till Kunst-Wet."

Some more funny ones I came across:
Tit, Algeria
Sexmoan, Luzon, Philippines
Tittybong, Australia
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Blue Ball, Pennsylvania
Thumping Dick Hollows, Tennessee
Gofuku, Japan
Long Dong Village, Guangxi, China (which is actually near Long Ji, where I went in China)
Booger Mountain, overlooking Cumming, Georgia (where the slogan is: This Christmas, don't blow it - pick a Booger Mountain tree!)
Climax, Michigan

So many funny names in the good old UK:
Bush Bank, Hereford, UK
Lickey End, West Midlands, UK ("Ever been to Lickey End?" "Have you experienced Lickey End?")
Breasty Haw, UK
Lord Hereford's Knob, UK (Wouldn't you like to see Lord Hereford's Knob? I know I would!)
Tongue of Gangsta, UK
Ring Burn Stream, UK (I think this is my new nickname for the toilet)
Wet Wang Village, UK
Booby Dingle, UK (Come on, you gotta giggle when you read that one!)
Brown Willy Hill, UK (How did Willy get brown?)
Titty Ho, UK
Balls Cross, UK
Clitheroe, UK (Many men seek it, only the determined find it - because sometimes you have to ask for directions!)
Horton Cum Studley (Oxfordshire, England)
Penistone, South Yorkshire, England
Twatt, UK (many places have this name, including Twatt Hill and Twatt Airfield - with Twatt Control Tower)

After spending over an hour reading about funny town names, I've barely scratched the surface on the good ones out there. I know, it's completely juvenile, but hey, there are worse things than sitting at the computer giggling for an hour!

Adventures in Hair Removal

Welcome to my day. It started off innocently - I was to catch a flight for a conference in Washington DC at 4:45, and planned to leave for the airport at 3:00pm. I slept in a little, checked in with work (but didn't go to work even though I could have), did a few loads of laundry so I would have something to wear, and got my husband to come home and have lunch with me so I could see him before he left.

We finished lunch and I decided at 2:00pm that I needed to start getting ready if I was really going to leave at 3:00. I hadn't finished packing or showered yet.

Here's where you need to know that I am really hairy, and I hate it. I have tried so many different hair removal options, and continue to be lured by anything new. Earlier in the day, I did my "plucking" of stray hairs on my face and around the eyebrows. I pluck almost daily, I'm a freak about it.

Lately, my arm hair has really been bothering me. A couple of times, I bleached my dark arm hair in a feeble attempt to not look like I had man arms. As I get older, I get hairier, and I am actually starting to get some dark, long hairs popping up on the back of my hands. Unacceptable!

So, at 2:00, I pulled out this "cold wax" treatment I had in the closet for a while and decided to use it on my arms. About a year ago, I trimmed the arm hair a bit, just so they weren't so manly, and it ended up growing back longer and darker, or so it seemed. And I didn't want to shave my arms, just not going there - I have enough to shave already!

Spreading the "cold wax" on my arm was torture - the directions say to make a thin layer, but it's so sticky it's almost impossible. Then you put put the paper on top, rub it down, and then yank it off. MOTHER OF GOD!!!! It hurt like HELL! I immediately started to bleed in a couple of now-empty follicles, and flashed to the scene in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" where he gets his chest waxed.

I could have, maybe should have, stopped there. But seeing all the hair on the paper was strangely satisfying. So I kept going, getting a weird thrill from the hair I was exhuming, until 40 minutes later I decided I'd better get moving or I wouldn't make my plane. Rinsing off the residue in the shower, I managed to give myself a weird blood-blister type bruise near my wrist from the hair pulling and what looks like a bunch of red needle pricks on the inside of my elbow. Oh, and now I look sunburned! But it will be all worth it to have smooth, womanly arms.

In the shower, I decided I needed to trim the nether-regions and also shave my legs. I finally emerged from the shower at 3:00pm - the time I was planning to leave for the airport. I quickly dried my hair, brushed my teeth, put on some makeup, got together my toiletries, jammed them into the suitcase, got dressed, and got the other stuff together, forcing it all to fit in the suitcase or computer bag.

I ended up pulling out of the driveway at 3:45pm! My plane ticket said board time was 4:10, and I was still a good 20 minutes from the airport, and I had to park my car in long-term parking and hike to the terminal, AND check my bag! AND get through security! And of course, my flight was in the gate farthest away!

By some miracle (and driving 75+ most of the way), I made it into the parking garage at 4:05, checked my bag at 4:10, and got into line at security. By 4:30, I was through security (which probably would have gone faster if the fashionable bitches in front of me didn't have to remove their high-heeled boots, jackets, belts, earrings, and laptops, and each of them had a purse and a laptop bag and a suitcase - it was quite a circus and I was increasingly pissed off, especially when one of them set off the alarm and giggled, "Oh, my belt! hehehe" and another one of them left her boarding pass in her purse that went through the conveyer belt. Listen bitches, some of us have SOMEPLACE TO BE!!!!)

About 20 feet from security, I did something I never thought I'd do: I hitched a ride on one of the courtesy golf carts they have for old people and invalids. Was this a lifesaver! We sped down the terminal, connected with another cart, and sped down to the gate. I was practically running, imagining that everyone would already be on the plane and they'd stare at me with ire while I sweatily boarded.

When I got to the gate at about 4:40, there was no plane, and everyone was sitting in the waiting area. One of my colleagues was apparently on the same flight and she said it hadn't arrived yet. THANK GOD! I had a few minutes to go and pee and brush my hair and stop sweating and get and drink an iced tea! Another one of my colleagues arrived at about 4:50, and I thought to myself, "Well, at least I wasn't THAT late!"

I have never cut it so close for a flight before in my life. And the sad part is, I was home all day and still couldn't get my act together! The flight was uneventful, and as we flew into Washington DC, we flew over Mt. Vernon, then the National Mall right at sunset, and it was just stunning. The sky was clear blue and the sun was that bright orange-red that burns into your eyes. The Washington Monument and Capitol are amazing to see from the sky.

My hotel room is heavenly - a king bed, a big room, modern and clean with Neutrogena stuff (including facial wash and moisturizer!) in the bathroom. I have 2 big cushy chairs and a comfortable desk. And a huge window. From my window, I look right out to Washington DC - I can see the Washington Monument and Capitol building right from here, it's quite beautiful.

I ordered pizza from a delivery service for dinner, and watched some TV, and now I'm going to go to bed, my smooth arms and legs against the soft sheets, and sleep in the glow of our nation's capitol.

Girls Night

Before red tents
Pandora’s box
Persephone
Eden
We gathered
when our songs
were heard loudly
We gathered
to touch the soft roundness
of each one
We gathered
dancing of worth
sculpting our souls
praising our passion
We gathered
in safety
in warmth
with open minds
hearts
bodies
freely expressing
our humanity
and all that
flows female
We gathered
sharing of loss
of forbidden fruit
of expectations not reached
We gathered
as more than women
mothers
friends
wives
daughters
yet all in us
We gathered
as sisters
sewn together
through the
palms of our hearts.

BugNuts, Peanut Butter, and Honey Bunches of Ugh

Last night, I'm eating some pistachios. I've had a craving for pistachios for weeks, and finally got some at the grocery store last night. With pistachios, you have to be careful, you know, because sometimes, you get a bad nut. Usually, it just tastes "off," or it has a weird color, or it's harder than the other nuts. But last night, I got a nut that was really hard, and seemed to be in two pieces. I was watching TV, mind you, and not inspecting each nut. I spit out the larger, harder piece. Then felt the other piece in my mouth and it felt weird, so I spit that one out. It was a worm. A gross, largish, dead, salty worm.

The worm looked like this: Since it was dead, and since I really like pistachios, and since I didn't actually eat or even bite the worm (just licked the salt off), I looked at the bowl of pistachios for a couple of minutes, then proceded to eat the rest of them, inspecting them a little better this time, and hoping that was the only one.

In doing some research later, I thought it was a waxworm, but looking into it more, I moved to thinking it was a meal worm, because they are more commonly found in cereal and grains. Upon even more research, I determined that it was, in fact, a Navel Orange Worm (larval stage of the Amyelois transitella moth, at right), because they can be a particular problem in almonds and pistachios. Information on this worm is hard to come by, but a thread on a bulletin board apparently for nut lovers confirmed that this does sometimes happen and that it's apparently not harmful to eat them. Furthermore, I was lucky that my worm was dead - a lot of times, they are still alive in there. And people have eaten them alive. Actually, all of these kind of larval worms are considered good protein and not at all harmful to people. They're just a pain if you get a live infestation.

Then, today, I got a call from my Scrapbook Goddess. There was a big recall recently on Peter Pan peanut butter because of the risk of salmonella associated with certain jars. I called her back, she said she had brownies with the offending peanut butter at our recent crop and wanted us to be warned. I hadn't eaten a brownie, but then asked about the peanut butter. Scrapbook Goddess is a wealth of information, so of course she had the information about which peanut butter had been recalled, and of course we had a jar of it in the cupboard - with the evil number "2111" on the lid. Scrapbook Goddess even had the address for ConAgra foods where you could get a refund! She's so good!

After hanging up the phone, I remembered that I was the only person who had eaten out of that jar of peanut butter, and I had, in fact, had diarrhea for a couple of days, with some intense cramping. As I relayed my hysteria to my husband, he said, "Oh come on! You really think that was the cause of your diarrhea? If the sun comes up, you have diarrhea!" I guess he was right, but I do recall thinking I had eaten something bad. When I told my husband about sending the lid in for a refund, he said, "Cool! I get my money back AND I get to eat the peanut butter!" Always thinking of how to save a buck, that guy, even if it means getting sick.

All of this reminded me of a time several years ago when I was a nanny. One day for breakfast I had some cereal. I should have known something was amiss when there was a box of Honey Bunches of Oats in the cupboard amidst the mountain of sugar cereals. I noticed a few web-like things on the shelf, but figured it was just a spider or something. Halfway through the bowl, when you get to the point where there is more milkd left than cereal, I saw these little greenish yellow things floating up. I saw them when I first started eating the cereal, but I had assumed they were like little dried apple slices or something. Well, the floating greenish yellow things were moving. As I looked closer, I realized they were little worms, little larval worms (see photo at left).

I immediately started spitting and gagging into the sink upon realizing that I had probably already eaten a healthy amount of the live worms. After that day, I realized that any healthy cereal in that house with 5 kids would probably have been sitting there for a long time and I only ate sugary cereal from then on.

Since then, I've determined that these worms were another grain moth larva called Indian Meal Moth (see photo of moth at right). Not generally harmful in small amounts unless the infestation is accompanied by fungus, which sometimes does happen.

This website was particularly informative about identifying bugs:
What's That Bug?

Any Name of Mine

My new nephew was born last month. He's the sweetest, cutest little thing! It's amazing how instantly you can fall in love with a brand new human being. I love my other nephew so much, sometimes you wonder, "Will I love the new baby as much?" But, somehow you do. There's no cap on the amount of love we are capable of.

My brother and sister-in-law named the new baby an unusual name. I love it and think it is such a great and unique name. I could not believe the flack they received over this name. Some people just said, "Oh..." and my grandma even chewed out my brother about how they could do this to the kid and how he's going to be made fun of, etc.

Why is it that everyone thinks they can weigh in on what you name your child? Why is it a valid excuse that other kids may make fun of him when he gets older? I don't know about everyone else, but all kids are made fun of - no matter what their name is. It's just a right of passage. If I thought a kids name could save them from being made fun of, I'd be all for it, but it's just not.

My nephew's name isn't that unusual, in my opinion - it's not "Blanket" or "Coco" or "Apple." But it's also not in the top 100 most popular baby names. Which is one of both my brother and my criteria for naming a kid - do we really need another Jacob, Alexander, Zachary, Madison, Alexis, or Brianna? And yes, those names are all among most popular names in the last few years. I think people really think they are being unique when they choose these names, but they're going to find that their kid is going to be called Brianna M. or Brianna T. for the rest of her life in school.

I did a little research into baby names, and found this really great site: Baby's Named a Bad, Bad, Thing. This page is a collection of postings made on baby name bulletin boards accompanied by this person's snide remarks, which are actually pretty funny. S/he has organized these into fun catagories such as "Brought to you by the letter Y" or "God wants you to name a baby after him" or "Big Chief Mucous Stink." I could spend all day reading through these, they are hilarious!

I guess even I am judgemental of what people name their kids. I tend to question the lack of creativity and imagination people have if they name their kid something from the "Top 100" list. Isn't your child the most unique person to ever walk the earth? Shouldn't their name reflect that? At the same time, I don't think you should name your kid after inanimate objects or food. Save those names for pets. And speaking of pets, I don't believe pets should have "people" names. It just weirds me out.

If you decide to name your daughter Precious, Candy, Ginger, Peaches, or Diamond, be prepared for her to become a stripper.

I do understand the struggle to find the perfect name. I had to name my son, and since he was born still, it was an emotional and difficult decision. We weren't able to get to know him and look in his little eyes and decide on his name. Fortunately, my husband and I had discussed some names and agreed on one - Eroll. Sometimes people wonder why I spelled it that way. As I sat in Labor & Delivery writing down the name for the nurse, it occurred to me that spelling it the traditional way, Errol, looked too close to the word "error" in my opinion. I didn't ever want anyone to think of this much hoped-for and much loved child as an error. So I switched it up a little. Since then, I've come across names of European people who spell it Erol, which I also like.

It's not easy, I totally get that. If you have a husband or partner, you're going to have to contend with what they think. If you dare to share the name ideas with family and friends, be prepared for them to offer their opinions, sometimes not-so-subtlely. And there are times when you want to honor a family member or someone you admire by naming your child after that person. I understand that, too.

I've been pretty impressed with the names chosen by people close to me for their children. Unique, sometimes unusual, but very cool names. If anyone tells me what they are thinking of naming their kid, I try to be supportive and objective. Parents get enough people telling them how to name their kid, and I just want to be supportive of whatever that name will be. Although, secretly, I'm cringing if it's another Logan...

A long, cold January...

This is just an entry of excuse and apology. For my loyal readers (all 2 of you), you may be wondering where I've been. Here are my excuses for being AWOL lately...

• In the beginning of January, I was sick. I thought I had the flu. Puke, diarrhea and cold-like feeling, but nothing like what I'll tell you about if you keep reading...


• In the second week of January, I traveled to Florida for work meetings


• Not long after returning from Florida, I got REALLY sick with the dreaded norovirus. I guess it was going around, because they closed schools and everything. I can't remember when I've ever been that sick before. I was up all night with puking and diarrhea, and eventually fell into bed with exhaustion and fever-like feelings. I spent the whole next day sweating and sleeping deeply. The next evening, I drank a little gatorade and some broth and was able to sit up to watch some TV.
  
  Interestingly enough, my sister-in-law had similar symptoms that sent her to the hospital about 3 weeks early to have her baby. I was able to see the baby briefly before being attacked by the virus, but I was also helping out with my 2-year-old nephew, so being incapacitated by sickness put a kink into the plans. It all worked out with help from the family. I swear it took me 2+ weeks to start feeling normal again, and for most of that time I was on what I called "The Gatorade Diet" - a Gatorade for breakfast, a Gatorade for lunch, and a healthy dinner! I will say my pants are fitting more losely now.
  
  In doing some research on the norovirus, which is short for "Norwalk Virus." They classify all these kinds of viruses (virusi?) as "noroviruses." And the "Norwalk Virus" is named after an outbreak in 1968 that occurred in Norwalk, Ohio, a place I frequented quite a bit on my way to visit my now-husband when he was in college. In any event, these kinds of viruses often occur on cruise ships or restaurants where many people are in close contact and they are highly contagious.
  
  From the CDC website: "The symptoms of norovirus illness usually include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and some stomach cramping. Sometimes people additionally have a low-grade fever, chills, headache, muscle aches, and a general sense of tiredness. The illness often begins suddenly, and the infected person may feel very sick. In most people the illness is self-limiting with symptoms lasting for about 1 or 2 days." Yep, that sounds right. I stayed home from work for 3 days, although I was feeling a lot better by day 3, but still not eating and feeling just exhausted.


• In the midst of the illness time, my brother, sister-in-law, nephew welcomed my new nephew! He is just adorable and everyone in the family fell instantly in love!


• Soon after the illness, my friend Depressionista and her husband and son came to visit me and, luckily, I was feeling better by the time they arrived. It was a GREAT visit!


• And then, January was over, and now it's February!

An Alarming Morning

My husband and I were awakened this morning at about 4:45am by the phone ringing. The same thing happened yesterday and the day before. It was the security company for the store where my husband works. A motion detector had sensed movement inside the store. The first day, we didn't get the phone and by the time the security company got a hold of someone, there was already someone at the store.

But yesterday, we answered the phone. My husband is first on the list because he is one of the managers and also lives the closest to the store. He figured it was just the heat coming on (which happens about that time every day) and blowing something around, setting off the motion detectors. After settling back into bed, the phone rang again. It was the police, and they wanted my husband to meet them at the store.

When he came home a couple of hours later, I learned that the motion sensor had gone off in the gun room (he works at a sporting goods store). This room has loose guns and ammo. My husband said it was quite a scene as he opened the door and got out of the way, surrounded by all of the cops rushing in with their guns drawn. Freaky!

He still thinks it was a mouse or the heat coming on and knocking something over or blowing something around. But it sure made for an exciting 3 mornings!

Florida!

I recently traveled to Fruitland Park, Florida (near Leesburg) for a few days of meetings. Aside from being in Florida in January, I wasn't really looking forward to it. I had a bit of a cold and was just feeling lazy and apathetic.

Let me share with you my journey:

I arrived WAY too early to the airport. Since I travel a lot and check in on-line, I've started getting there an hour or less ahead of departure. I had to check a bag, so I added a bit of time to this, yet didn't factor in that it was a Sunday. Also, I'm used to having to go to the WAY end terminal for my flights, but this time, since I was flying to Orlando (the closest airport), the gate was really close. I was bored out of my mind.

The lady across from me, and older, trashy-looking woman, kept giving me a weird look while working on Sudoku. There were a lot of kids around, too, presumably headed to the "happiest place on earth."

As a diversion, I wandered to a kiosk that sold Palm Pilots and accessories to see if they had an iPod charger because I couldn't find mine. They did, and I bought it. That took all of 10 minutes. A snack and several bathroom trips later, they started boarding. As we were waiting to board, one guy who was sitting in the seating area leaned over and pretty much yelled at a guy sitting in the same row, "Can you stop that please? It's really annoying!" The guy he yelled at was doing that leg shaking thing and it was apparently shaking the entire row. The leg-shaker jumped up and just walked someplace else. It was kind of a weird little scene.

After landing in Orlando and gathering my luggage, I went to the Ground Transportation area to pick up a shuttle to the camp where the meetings were going to be held - about an hour ride.

I had made a reservation with a company called Lake Limo after looking into different shuttle companies, most of whom charge about $90 - $100 for a one-way trip from the airport. Lake Limo Service only charged $49. Knowing that a taxi from our airport in Cleveland to my office is often over $25 (and this is only about 10 miles), I couldn't believe it would only be $49 for this 50+ mile ride, but my travel budget is limited, so I booked it. The agent on the phone asked for my flight information and told me where to go when I got to the airport. She was a wee bit salty on the phone, but I didn't think too much of it.

I got to the Ground Transportation at about 3:15pm. A shuttle bus was there, and it was full. And it wasn't Lake Limo. There was one other young woman there, she said she was also waiting for Lake Limo. By 3:30pm, there were 8 of us waiting for the shuttle, several of whom had called Lake Limo more than once to see where the heck they were.

After leaving a cool, gloomy day in Cleveland, I was not thrilled about sitting outside in muggy Orlando, where it was about 85 degrees that day. Shuttles pulled up, loaded up with other people, and left - none of them heading to Leesburg, and none of them Lake Limo.

At 4:45pm, the shuttle finally arrived as if that was the time they were supposed to pick us up. As the shuttle came to a stop, the door opened and out came the driver, who I nicknamed, "Shakey McGee." He was probably over 80 years old and his hands shook so much that it was hard to hand him the money for the trip.

The man went though each person, double checking who they were and where they were going. He started to load our luggage, but one of the other passengers must have felt bad for him because he ended up doing most of it. When 7 of us were comfortable, another guy came up to load in. Thankfully, he squeezed into the back seat, and I remained in the middle seat with the only other person who not only looked to be about my age, but also looked like he might be somewhat normal.

When we were all settled, Shakey McGee put his trembling hands to the wheel began our journey. The young man next to me, it turned out, was headed to the same meetings as I was, and we chatted about our respective roles and job duties, as well as a bit of cynical, off-beat humor. 4 of our passengers were going to the same place - some tiny college in Leesburg. I got the impression that it was the kind of place where just about anyone could get in. They were the first stop, and we were not sad to see them leave, as the two young men behind us were apparently under-sexed but overly talkative, taking turns turning anything in the conversation into sexual innuendo.

I hadn't eaten lunch because I didn't want to miss the shuttle (and hadn't anticipated sitting and waiting for so long), so when we finally arrived at the camp at 6:30pm, with 15 minutes left for dinner, I just couldn't wait to get out of that van and get some food. As we departed the van, the last person left in the shuttle discovered that one of his suitcases was missing. My new friend and I were of the same mind - keep walking and don't look back. We had our luggage, no sense in getting caught up in the drama that was sure to ensue over the lost suitcase.

The moral here is, if you pay for a $49 shuttle ride in a city where the average shuttle ride costs $90, you’re going to get a $49 shuttle ride.

The meeting went well, mainly because I had so much fun with some new friends, who I called "the cool kids." During the meetings, we made snarky comments to each other. Each night, we would "circle the wagons" so to speak, by going to the cafeteria where we could get wireless access, all of us at our respective laptops at a round table (see photo at left).

One night, they had the Ohio State/Florida football game projected on the wall for anyone who was at the camp. Just as I was plugging in my laptop to the power strip, the lights went out, and when they came back on, I was standing there with two cords in my hand, while everyone at the table laughed and shouted my name. The serious football fans glared back at me, obviously not amused and likely thinking that I was the cause of the power outtage (which, I wasn't... I don't think...)

Another funny happening was that one guy was talking about how he wished he had brought with him his "Answer Me Jesus" - and another guy said, "Oh, I brought mine..." So, everyone had a great time playing with the Answer Me Jesus, which is like a Magic 8 Ball and gives you answers such as, "I died for this?" and "Pray harder." At one point, they set up Jesus as in the photo at right. Know what that is? It's Jesus walking on water!

The setting was heavenly, with huge trees dripping with Spanish moss, the weather perfect after the first really hot day. We were told to watch for aligators, since the camp was essentially an island in a lake. I was bummed that I didn't get to see one, but did get some gorgeous sunsets. The lodgings were "motel-like" but fine - although I was stunned to learn there was no phone or TV in the rooms!

I was able to catch a ride with a colleague back to the airport. I was extremely grateful as I called Lake Limo to cancel my scheduled pick-up!